self love Archives - Megan Hallier

3 lies about your self-worth you need to stop believing

I’ve been run down by one of those hideous, can’t-see-it-but-it-still-hurts colds. The kind of cold that gives the illusion of not being so bad but in reality, feels like your brain is too big for your head and is trying to squeeze its way out.

I hate being sick. Everyone hates being sick.

Usually people hate sickness because of the icky symptoms. The relentlessly runny nose, the scratchy sore throat, the pounding head and watery eyes. It’s a cocktail of discomfort that nobody likes to swallow.

But secretly, if I am being truly honest, the reason I hate being sick is that I can’t do anything.

In my weakened state I am forced to lie down, to rest my eyes, to drink cups of soup and watch old re-runs on TV.

And somehow, deep down a little part of me still gives into the lie that says my self-worth is determined by my productivity.

It’s why I currently dread Mondays so much. While everyone else sets their alarms hideously early and gulps down their coffee so they get to work on time, I wake up and am reminded that I have nowhere I need to be.

It feels like a kick in the gut every time. It sends me into an absolute funk at the start of each week.

I feel like a kite that has come loose from its string. Untethered and floating aimlessly. No purpose, no meaning, no value.

But the stupid thing is, I AM still being productive, my guilt is misplaced, my shame is invalid.

Right now I am doing some online study, I am writing for my blog, I am curating content and connecting with others. I am not wasting time and yet I feel this strong sense of unworthiness.

I blame this on the messed up world we live in, with its endless hustling mentality, with its thirst for collecting accomplishments, with its need to seek approval from everyone else.

It’s just too easy to get sucked into those wonky beliefs.

But I have to say, I am mighty tired of feeling like a failure for not quite matching up to these expectations.

More and more, I am needing to shrug my shoulders into grace like you do a sweater. Right now, especially, I am needing a reminder of who I am, what makes me valuable and where my worth comes from.

So as much for me as for you, here is some encouragement for your heart today.

3 lies about your self-worth you need to stop believing…

Your worth doesn’t come from your work.

Your value is not measured by how much you get done each day. You cannot simply work more, hustle more or stretch more into each day to make yourself of greater importance.

As a type A personality, I always struggle with this one. I like that if I put in effort, I can see the results. I like knowing that my hard work pays off. The idea that I can’t earn my worth is difficult for me to wrap my head around.

But coming to a place of understanding that productivity does not make you whole is a huge relief.

If doing more won’t make us more worthy, then doing less won’t make us less worthy. Therefore, I can rest. I can just BE. I can slow down and enjoy life without feeling guilty.

I’ve always liked that quote that reminds us we are human BEINGS not human DOINGS.

We don’t have to earn our rest.

Image by: tend + mend

Your worth isn’t related to your career.

There has been such incredible progress for women in this area. Nowadays, there are so many opportunities for us to excel. There are so many ways we can make a living, so many things we can do to keep ourselves busy.

But with all this progress, I feel an underlying pressure to pursue the sort of career that the women who came before me couldn’t.

I feel privileged to have the choice but that being said, it should be a CHOICE.

Whether we stay at home and raise sweet babies, bake cakes, and cultivate beautiful gardens. Or whether we wear snazzy suits, have a personal assistant and the only way to see us is to make an appointment. Or whether we split our time between home and the office.

Regardless of our choice, we are worthy.

Your worth isn’t determined by your success.

Time and time again I feel the thorny fear of failure tightening around my chest.

So often this fear is what puts us off even trying something. We are so scared that we might fail and therefore be a failure.

But simply failing doesn’t make you a failure. Failing means you were daring enough to even try!

The thing is, no amount of awards or accomplishments will give us meaning. Successes and failures slot neatly into the boxes of wisdom and experience, useful to draw out for future endeavors but completely irrelevant in terms of our value as human beings.

Win or lose, we have purpose here.

And while we are on the subject, here are some more lies you shouldn’t be believing about your self-worth.

Your self-worth is not determined by…

Others opinions of you.

What you wear.

How thin you are.

Whether you went to college.

How much you know about politics.

Whether you can throw a rugby ball.

How good you are at dancing.

On and on we could go.

These are just the lies that shame feeds us, keeping us small, keeping us tame, keeping us from reaching our full potential.

Because here is the truth: your worth is innate, intrinsic, a part of you regardless of anything else.

You cannot earn it. You cannot lose it.

I don’t know about you, but that makes me feel free. I can do or be anything. I can try and fail at anything. I can wrap myself in love because grace says, no matter what…I am worthy.

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In Seeking encouragement

Overcoming insecurity: how to finally make peace with yourself

I cannot remember the first time I felt shame grip its fingers around my heart and squeeze but it’s a sensation as familiar to me as breathing these days.

When I was very young I was quite content with the person I was. Perhaps because I spent so much time allowing my imagination to carry me far away. I had my head in the clouds and so I was safe from the howling winds of insecurity.

As a child I was bold as can be. On family holidays I would always end up making friends with the other kids who were camping and I almost always spent more time in their tents than our own.

I never felt embarrassed asking someone if they wanted to play. I was never ashamed of myself or scared they would say no. When I look back now, it seems as though I had no insecurities at all.

But then puberty hit, cruelly as it always does and I became increasingly self conscious.

I hated the way my body had curves and edges, and that they drew attention to me. I hated that I was clumsy and nonathletic, always dropping the ball and missing catches.

I hated that I didn’t understand maths, that the combination of letters and numbers got scrambled in my head, making me feel stupid when I couldn’t answer the teacher’s question.

My insecurities became a thorn in my side, an ever-present reminder that I wasn’t good enough.

They made me stop voicing my opinions for fear of being laughed at. They made me shy away from my passions because I didn’t want to be different. They made me try with ferocious intensity to never draw attention to myself.

The road to overcoming insecurity as been a windy one for me. It has taken a lot of digging through emotions, searching for explanations and forgiveness to get to the point I am at today, which if I am honest, is still not perfect.

I still have those days where I crumple up inside because my favourite pair of shorts no longer fit or I’m too afraid to cycle downhill on my bike or I can’t think of a witty comeback to whatever someone said.

It’s hard not to berate ourselves for being a little less charming, intelligent, athletic and beautiful than we had hoped we would turn out to be.

However, slowly but surely, I am finding new ways to not only accept, but to love myself. I am making peace with the fact I won’t ever be some things but I rest secure in the knowledge that I have a whole raft of other wonderful qualities that make up for those deficiencies.

So these are my tips for you…

Overcoming insecurity and making peace with yourself

Follow people who encourage self love

I don’t think we realise how much we absorb the things we are exposed to online. The positivity or negativity of the people we follow can have a huge impact on us.

One of the ways I learnt to accept my body was by starting to follow women of all shapes and sizes who loved themselves regardless of their figure. It was so helpful for me to see these bold women, courageously battling their own insecurities. If they could do it then surely I could too!

So whatever it is that you feel insecure about, find someone who is an advocate of it and get inspired by them.

For some self-love inspiration, take a look at Ashton, Taryn or Katie.

Work through your ‘why’

I won’t lie to you, this step is hard. It requires a great deal of emotional digging.

You have to be willing to push through some uncomfortable feelings to work out which messages you have taken in and allowed to define you.

I have found that journaling works incredibly well for uncovering these self limiting beliefs but sometimes you might need someone else to help point them out to you. I personally went to see a counselor because it felt like too much of a task to bear on my own. You can read about my experience in my post- healing from the past.

Out with the old, in with the new

You have to begin working at changing your mindset.

You have to learn how to mitigate negative self talk and create a positive environment for yourself to try, fail, fall and fly without judgement.

You need to recognise that every day, every moment, you are growing and changing. Who you are today is not the same person you will be next year or five years from now.

The key is to learn to love all versions of yourself, past and present.

Overcoming insecurity requires you to give yourself grace to make mistakes and fail sometimes, to be imperfect and so wonderfully human. Speak words of kindness over yourself, try out these self love affirmations.

Surround yourself with love

People often say, you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself first, which is true but so is the reverse.

You can’t properly love yourself if you aren’t in an environment of love. By that I mean, the people who surround you need to be supportive, affirming and encouraging.

It isn’t always possible to make that happen as a child. The family you are born into might not give you this love and support freely as they should. However, as an adult we have the ability to choose who we let into our circles.

We no longer are stuck with negative, hurtful or discouraging people. We choose who we invite in and allow to speak into our lives.

So make this choice wisely. Let go of the ones who make you feel ‘less than.’ Fill up your life with people who build you up and have your back no matter what.

Overcoming insecurity won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.

If you are gentle and patient and kind to yourself, eventually that love will set you free.

You’ll be able to laugh loudly again. You’ll feel the weight lifted off your shoulders. You’ll finally be able to hold your head high.

The process is worth it, because the reward is sweet. So very sweet my friends. Go spread some love on yourself today!

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In Seeking encouragement

25 self-love affirmations to pick yourself up on bad days

When I think of self love I think self-indulgence, an enlarged ego and the desperate desire for attention.

I think of all the stereotypes and the critical things people have to say about millennials. I think of the way we are mocked for our participation awards, our inspirational quotes and our obsession with documenting our lives online.

But what they often fail to mention are the pressures millennials face in this modern world.

The massive amounts of debt we incur through student loans, the impossible search for a stable job, the completely unrealistic housing prices and the constant inferiority we feel because of the highlight reel we see from our peers online.

This world squeezes us from every side. It crushes us beneath its weight. It tramples on our dreams and takes delight in leaving us feeling like a failure.

It can be hard to keep your head up against those pounding waves.

It can be a challenge to step into anything new, bold or daring when the way before you is paved with potential failure and an onslaught of “I told you so’s.“

I have struggled with self-love for as long as I can remember…

I have fallen into the trap of trying to be like everyone else many times.

I’ve berated myself for my differences and done everything I can to change them. To smother my uniqueness. To stifle my individuality.

However, I have come to realise that my greatest successes always come when I am being my authentic self. But it takes so much courage to live that way. To be unashamed of ourselves and to live without putting up walls that keep people out.

That kind of vulnerability requires incredible inner strength and an abundance of self love.

We have to recognise that in order to thrive in this world we need unshakable confidence in ourselves.

We have to believe in ourselves because we might just be the only one that does.

When you treat yourself with gentleness and compassion you create a safe environment where you have room to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, to try without fear of failing.

That’s what is so great about self love affirmations. They are more tangible. We can say them out aloud, write them down, hang them on our walls.

We can thread them through our lives so that they become part of our vocabulary. A familiar, friendly voice of encouragement.

They can change the way we think and talk about ourselves.

For many people, self-love can seem trivial. A luxury. An indulgence. But I believe that self-love is a necessity. Not a after thought or an add-on, but the one of the things we need most of all.

Self-love is important because it is our foundation

It is the place where we build all our beliefs about ourselves from. It is the difference between having the confidence to say YES or giving into fear and saying NO.

So here are some words of encouragement for you today and every day. For the bad days and the good. Words for you to speak over yourself and let sink deep down into your heart.

May they become part of your vocabulary, the new way you think and feel about yourself.

My dear millennial friends, this is your participation trophy, your pat on the back, your gentle reminder that you are doing a good job. I hope these self love affirmations will give you the confidence you need to face the world.

25 self love affirmations to remember on bad days:

One. I’m proud of myself for daring to try, most people don’t even do that.

Two. I am not my mistakes, I forgive myself for those.

Three. I deserve love, compassion and empathy from others.

Four. No one is me and that is my super power.

Five. I am learning every single day.

Six. Fear is only a feeling, it will not hold me back.

Seven. I am doing the best I can with what I have.

Eight. I choose to stop apologizing for being myself.

Nine. I am free to make my own choices and decisions.

Ten. I will only surround myself with people who bring out the best in me.

Eleven. I will not compare myself to others.

Twelve. I am allowed to feel whatever emotions I do.

Thirteen. I will not be controlled by my emotions, I am in control.

Fourteen. I don’t need to be impressive to anyone else.

Fifteen. I will treat my body with respect.

Sixteen. I am leaving the past behind me.

Seventeen. I am capable of handling whatever comes in the future.

Eighteen. I will be patient with myself as I grow.

Nineteen. I am grateful for my uniqueness I will not be ashamed of it.

Twenty. I accept I have weaknesses but they do not define me.

Twenty one: My vulnerability is my greatest strength.

Twenty two: I am proud of everything I have achieved so far.

Twenty three: I am a creative person when I give myself the chance to be.

Twenty four: I will take things one step at a time.

Twenty five: I am enough just as I am.

“I once was afraid of people saying ‘who does she think she is’ now I have the courage to stand and say ‘this is who I am.” Oprah Winfrey

If you would like to have a copy of each of these affirmations (like the image above) to stick on your bathroom mirror or fridge or bedside table… I’ve made a PDF document you can download and print out.

Just fill in your details below and it’s all yours!

What self love affirmations would you add to my list?

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In Seeking encouragement

My body, my home

Mirrors, they are forever betraying me.

Enlarging my flaws.

Highlighting my weaknesses.

Pinpointing my insecurities.

A sheet of glass that always manages to find my achilles heel.

Why are my eyes so puffy in the morning?

Are my thighs really always that big?

I scrutinize every inch of myself until my stomach feels sick.

But it’s not the mirror who despises me.

It’s not the glass that leaves me feeling this way.

It’s my own head, my own thoughts that betray me, conditioned to believe beauty is only skin deep.

I shake the horrible thoughts out of my head. I hug my arms around myself.

I will not fight my own flesh anymore.

This is my body, this is my home.

I have always had a tentative relationship with my body.

There have been times when I have treated it poorly. Depriving it, over exerting it, attempting to squeeze it into jeans that were never designed for these hips.

Our relationship is one filled with one-sided animosity.

It seemed unfair to me that as I grew up, I expanded in some areas and not others. Like a balloon blown up all wonky instead of precisely into the standard shape.

I thought that women came in a standard shape too.

Blonde hair, check. Blue eyes, check. But what happened to my large breasts and tiny waist? Where is my golden tan and long, lean legs?

It seemed some pieces were missing from this perfect puzzle.

So I wrestled with my body for years. Desperately trying to manipulate it into that ideal shape and degrading this home of mine in the process.

Allowing weeds to take over the flowerbeds. Letting paint start to chip. Not worrying about the cracks in the ceiling or wallpaper beginning to fade.

Making it look from the outside as though everything was as it should be but on the inside I was crumbling into disrepair.

But I thought I had put all of that behind me. I thought I had made peace with my body. I thought I was finally free from this crippling, self-loathing mindset.

In the back of my mind I always knew that my body would eventually change, I was under no illusion that I would stay the size of a twenty year old forever. I just didn’t expect gaining weight to affect me so much.

But it has.

I was surprised how quickly the tears would come when I looked at myself in the mirror. I was shocked just how easily I allowed guilt to dictate what I ate. I was saddened to watch myself slipping back into the same old habits and not knowing what to do to stop it.

Because it’s easy to love your body when it fits the mold. It’s not difficult to have self compassion when you believe you are the right size.

It’s when my jeans began to feel too tight and my stomach still stuck out a little even when I was sucking it in that I discovered how difficult self love really is.

Self love is not something that comes naturally like taking a breath as you come out of water or blinking when a bright light flashes.

Learning how to love myself, my new self has been hard.

Possibly one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Which perhaps makes me sound vain and conceited but in a world which constantly reminds me that I need to change in order to fit in and be lovable, it’s not surprising at all.

I’ve been down this road now a few times and I’ve learnt that restriction and shame are not the answer. Loathing myself or fighting against my body just doesn’t work.

So it seems that a new attitude is in order.

I cannot be at war with myself anymore. It’s too exhausting. I cannot just sit idly by while the place I live begins to fall apart.

This is my body, this is my home.

And so I remind myself each and every day…

My worth is not dependent on my weight.

While this body is my home, it is not my full person.

I am singing along to country music with the windows down driving along the highway. I am laughing at the ocean waves lapping around my ankles and squealing when the water gets too high. I am giving a cheeky wink to my Father on stage at our school production.

You cannot contain me within the walls of this body, I am more than layers of flesh and a foundation of bones.

I am a gentle warmth, a cool breeze, a soft whisper.

My body is remarkable and it deserves my utmost respect.

To diminish its purpose to simple aesthetics is outrageous.

This body can run for miles and miles. This body can hear a rhythm and melt into the music. This body can heal itself, transform itself and grow another whole human being inside of it.

This body is incredible.

Change is inevitable, adaptation is crucial.

Nothing in this life stays the same forever. It has often been said that change is the only constant.

Therefore, I will not be surprised nor phased by change, I will simply adapt and move forwards.

A changing body means a life that is progressing. We are growing older and wiser. We are tracking towards new adventures and achievements.

Women aren’t like balloons. We don’t come in a standard shape or size. We are unique and that is something that should be celebrated rather than diminished.

Trying to squeeze us into one mold is a crying shame. There is so much beauty in our diversity. There is so much wonder in our individuality.

When I look at the women in my life I feel that this is a battle that might not be won overnight. Because I’ve seen these precious ladies fighting against their bodies my whole life.

But that makes me no less determined to win this war of self compassion.

If not for me than for my daughters, my nieces, my best friends. For every woman who looks up to me and watches how I treat this place I call home.

I hope they will see something different in me. A deeper respect, an honest disposition, an abundance of grace.

A woman who bears the wrinkles of decades of laughter. Who proudly wears stretch marks from bringing new life into the world. Who has freckles from glorious summers in the sunshine and perhaps carries a little extra weight for all the meals that make life worth living.

I believe that in the end, the struggle is worth it.

Because this is my body, this is my home.

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In Seeking encouragement

Authenticity and finding happiness by accepting myself

There is a temptation we face when we meet new people to put on a mask.

Strangers are blank slates. Yet to witness our baggage or keep a record against us. It is all too easy for us to morph into someone we’ve always wished we were.

If you are of the obliging sort like me, when you meet someone new you will agree to almost anything.

I so hate making waves that I will bend over backwards just to keep the peace.

I will nod along to their every suggestion. I will eat whatever is placed before me. I will go wherever they want me to go and do whatever they want me to do.

I’m a puppet on a string with a clumsy, oblivious master.

But after awhile of this masquerade I begin to feel exhausted. Worn out from pushing myself to be an extrovert, an adventurous type or the kind of person who stays up past midnight on weeknights.

I get this icky, sticky feeling of something not being right. The uneasy, conflicting feeling of not being true to myself.

Authenticity it seems is a necessity for me. Much like a lack of oxygen, without it I am breathless. Like an absence of food, I get queasy in my stomach. Like the deprivation of sleep, I get sharp and unkind.

I have been out of town for the past couple of weeks and with the change in routine I’ve found myself withdrawing from my blog and social media.

I haven’t written at all since I left and it has made me feel smaller and less valuable.

Because writing is a part of my identity. The part that makes me feel most connected to the world around me. The part that allows me to create and add something rather than just taking all the time.

Without my blog to fall back on, I have felt dry and empty. And like a vicious cycle, the worse I feel the less inclined I am to write which in turn makes me feel less and less useful.

On the other hand, my absence from social media has been refreshing.

I hate uploading every part of my day on Instastories. I hate retweeting pointless things on my Twitter feed. I hate the edited, filtered, lack of spontaneity that I see all over Instagram.

It just isn’t me.

It doesn’t align with my values. It doesn’t fit my brand. It doesn’t fill me with joy.

And yet as a member of the millennial generation I don’t know how to escape it. As a struggling creative who is desperate to share her work, I don’t know how to avoid it.

Authenticity is an internal struggle. A fight to remain the truest version of ourselves when all around us we are tempted to fix our flaws, patch up our problems and become someone better.

I have discovered that a lack of authenticity breeds discontentment.

It fosters ideas that something is missing from our lives and if we just had that one thing, we would finally feel fulfilled.

If only we could lose that last 5 kgs. If only we had a wider social circle. If only we had a supportive partner. If only we had more time to pursue our passions.

But it’s just a mirage. Chasing after an ideal that we can never obtain.

The pursuit of authenticity leads to increased creativity, deeper relationships and an abundance of new ideas.

When I am being myself I feel happier. Because I don’t waste energy pursuing things that drain me. Because I use my time to write, create, bake, and share, to do the things which make me feel alive.

When I am being myself I find more pleasure in the company of others. Without the fear of judgement or pressure to perform I find I have more patience to listen to other’s stories and more compassion for them.

When I am being myself I feel more inspired. Because I take the time to notice things I might otherwise miss. Because I feel confident, secure and comfortable in my own skin which enables me to stretch out, take risks and explore new ideas.

Authenticity requires courage. Looking in the mirror and accepting myself as I am. Going out and facing the world without make up to hide behind. Speaking up and sharing my opinions even though I could get shut down.

I’m a big fan of self improvement so I’m always looking for ways to extend and grow myself. I want to increase my productivity. I want to tap into my creative side more. I want to push myself to try new things.

But perhaps an even greater challenge is to grow into myself rather than trying to imitate someone else.

Maybe what I really need is to become more self aware and to live from a place of authenticity everyday.

For me I think that looks like withdrawing in social settings because I am an introvert and being around people for too long makes me feel exhausted.

Or making the time to write because of all of my hobbies it is the one thing that makes me feel most alive.

Or not posting all the time on Instagram because it feels like a chore to me. And when I do, not being fussed that it makes my feed look scattered and unplanned because that is what real life looks like.

Authenticity is a daily practice of accepting who I am and finding new ways to allow myself to shine.

Because I have spent a lot of time trying to change myself but I’ve never been happier than when I was just being me.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

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