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personal growth

How to develop an abundance mindset | Community over competition

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This world struggles with a scarcity mindset. 

 

There is this underlying belief that there isn’t enough to go around. That we must be the first in line, the highest ranking or the most impressive in order to be successful. 

 

It feels like we are always trying to outdo each other, in our careers, in our home décor, in our families and in our quirky hobbies. 

 

We are afraid of cheering each other on or sharing the lessons we’ve learned along the way in case it helps someone get ahead of us. We want to keep everything under wraps, close to our chest, tucked away so that maybe we will have an advantage in this race for the finish line


 

When I think of having an scarcity mindset, I am reminded of this quote that my mum loved to tell us as kids…

 

“Blowing out someone else’s candle won’t make mine burn brighter.”

 

Because scarcity leads us to believe that other people’s candles get in the way of our own. That in order to shine the brightest, we have to dampen their light. 

 

And whatever we do, we should definitely NOT stoop down with our own lit candle and help someone light theirs. 

 

how to develop an abundance mindset, how to shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance, mindfulness, personal growth, personal development, scarcity mentality, lack mindset,

 

Learning how to develop an abundance mindset is so important, especially in this world where success often looks like trampling over anyone who might get in your way.

 

Where we are all in constant competition with one another. Where everything is measured, monitored and evaluated to calculate how much it is worth. 


 

I recently listened to an episode of The Little Chapters podcast on abundance vs lack.

 

The hosts spoke of the common misconception that everything we want out of life can be represented by this metaphorical pie. A pie that everyone is fighting to get a slice out of. A pie that depletes quickly and once it is gone, cannot be replaced. 

 

 A lot of us tend to live in this fear that if someone takes a slice of pie before us then we will miss out. 

 

So we scramble to get in first, to be the best, to be different to the rest.

 

We live in this place of lack, of scarcity, of fear that we might miss out.


 

I’m an Enneagram four so for me, the scarcity mindset plays out in my need to be special. 

 

One of the characteristics of fours is our deep desire to be individuals. This makes it really difficult for us to share.  

 

I want to be the only one with that exact brand of shoes so I don’t want to tell you where I got mine. 

I want to make the BEST chocolate chip cookies so I don’t want to share my recipe with you. 

I want my blog to do really well so I don’t want to share the brilliant marketing tips I’ve read about. 

 

 

I have been working really hard to develop an abundance mindset in my own life. It is so counter-cultural, so vulnerable and so not how I usually think. It takes work every day to remind myself that there is enough

 

I thought I would share some advice for those of you who are struggling with a scarcity mindset…

 

How to develop an abundance mindset:

 

Give positive feedback

 

When you read something you really like, tell the author. Leave a review for them on Amazon so their book will rank higher. Write them an email and let them know you are a fan of their work. 

 

Leave comments on your favourite blog posts. Reply to blogger’s stories on Instagram or send them direct messages.

 

Or in the real world, be kind to people. Share the lovely things you think about people instead of keeping those thoughts to yourself.

 

Remember: Other people’s success does not indicate your failure.

 

 

Share other people’s work

 

Tell your friends about the things you love. Give people recommendations on podcasts, books, Ted-talks or shoe brands that you think are brilliant. 

 

Word of mouth is such a powerful marketing force. You never know how much that exposure could mean to a small business or artist.

 

Remember: The world needs more creativity, innovation and vulnerability. Sharing other’s successes won’t mean there is less space for you.

 

 

Do things just for fun

 

Make time for things that have no external purpose outside of the moment.

 

Do some things just for the sheer joy, without needing to be productive, or perfect or feeling like you have to share the moment with anyone else. 

 

Remember: Collect moments, not things. At the end of the day, the most precious things in life can’t be measured by wealth or fame.

 

 

Stay in your lane

 

Focus on your passions and strengths rather than comparing yourself to others. You have a unique story and way of telling it. 

 

Don’t get so caught up in trying to be better than your perceived “competition” that you lose sight of yourself. You simply cannot be the best at everything. So be the best at YOUR thing.

 

Remember: We need YOU. Your gifts, your story, your unique way of creating something of beauty, inspiration and encouragement.

 

 

Say these abundance mindset affirmations:

 

  • There is enough space for everyone 
  • There is only one of me, I am a one-off
  • The way I tell my story is unique
  • Community is more important than competition
  • Creativity is endless

Do you struggle with a scarcity mindset or have you figured out how to master an abundance mindset?

Overcoming insecurity: how to finally make peace with yourself

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I cannot remember the first time I felt shame grip its fingers around my heart and squeeze but it’s a sensation as familiar to me as breathing these days.  

 

When I was very young I was quite content with the person I was. Perhaps because I spent so much time allowing my imagination to carry me far away. I had my head in the clouds and so I was safe from the howling winds of insecurity.  

 

As a child I was bold as can be. On family holidays I would always end up making friends with the other kids who were camping and I almost always spent more time in their tents than our own.

 

I never felt embarrassed asking someone if they wanted to play. I was never ashamed of myself or scared they would say no. When I look back now, it seems as though I had no insecurities at all.

 

 

But then puberty hit, cruelly as it always does and I became increasingly self conscious.

 

I hated the way my body had curves and edges, and that they drew attention to me. I hated that I was clumsy and nonathletic, always dropping the ball and missing catches.

 

I hated that I didn’t understand maths, that the combination of letters and numbers got scrambled in my head, making me feel stupid when I couldn’t answer the teacher’s question.

 

My insecurities became a thorn in my side, an ever-present reminder that I wasn’t good enough.

 

They made me stop voicing my opinions for fear of being laughed at. They made me shy away from my passions because I didn’t want to be different. They made me try with ferocious intensity to never draw attention to myself.

 

overcoming insecurity, personal growth, self love tips, self acceptance, learning to love yourself, making peace with yourself, body positivity, self care, encouragement, inspiration, personal development,

 

The road to overcoming insecurity as been a windy one for me. It has taken a lot of digging through emotions, searching for explanations and forgiveness to get to the point I am at today, which if I am honest, is still not perfect. 

 

I still have those days where I crumple up inside because my favourite pair of shorts no longer fit or I’m too afraid to cycle downhill on my bike or I can’t think of a witty comeback to whatever someone said.

 

It’s hard not to berate ourselves for being a little less charming, intelligent, athletic and beautiful than we had hoped we would turn out to be.

 

However, slowly but surely, I am finding new ways to not only accept, but to love myself. I am making peace with the fact I won’t ever be some things but I rest secure in the knowledge that I have a whole raft of other wonderful qualities that make up for those deficiencies.

 

So these are my tips for you…

 

Overcoming insecurity and making peace with yourself

 

Follow people who encourage self love

 

I don’t think we realise how much we absorb the things we are exposed to online. The positivity or negativity of the people we follow can have a huge impact on us.

 

One of the ways I learnt to accept my body was by starting to follow women of all shapes and sizes who loved themselves regardless of their figure. It was so helpful for me to see these bold women, courageously battling their own insecurities. If they could do it then surely I could too!

 

So whatever it is that you feel insecure about, find someone who is an advocate of it and get inspired by them.

 

For some self-love inspiration, take a look at Ashton, Taryn or Katie

 

Work through your ‘why’

 

I won’t lie to you, this step is hard. It requires a great deal of emotional digging.

 

You have to be willing to push through some uncomfortable feelings to work out which messages you have taken in and allowed to define you.

 

I have found that journaling works incredibly well for uncovering these self limiting beliefs but sometimes you might need someone else to help point them out to you. I personally went to see a counselor because it felt like too much of a task to bear on my own. You can read about my experience in my post- healing from the past.  

 

Out with the old, in with the new

 

You have to begin working at changing your mindset.

 

You have to learn how to mitigate negative self talk and create a positive environment for yourself to try, fail, fall and fly without judgement.

 

You need to recognise that every day, every moment, you are growing and changing. Who you are today is not the same person you will be next year or five years from now.

 

The key is to learn to love all versions of yourself, past and present.

 

Overcoming insecurity requires you to give yourself grace to make mistakes and fail sometimes, to be imperfect and so wonderfully human. Speak words of kindness over yourself, try out these self love affirmations.

 

Surround yourself with love

 

People often say, you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself first, which is true but so is the reverse.

 

You can’t properly love yourself if you aren’t in an environment of love. By that I mean, the people who surround you need to be supportive, affirming and encouraging.

 

It isn’t always possible to make that happen as a child. The family you are born into might not give you this love and support freely as they should. However, as an adult we have the ability to choose who we let into our circles.

 

We no longer are stuck with negative, hurtful or discouraging people. We choose who we invite in and allow to speak into our lives.

 

So make this choice wisely. Let go of the ones who make you feel ‘less than.’ Fill up your life with people who build you up and have your back no matter what.


 

Overcoming insecurity won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.

 

If you are gentle and patient and kind to yourself, eventually that love will set you free. 

 

You’ll be able to laugh loudly again. You’ll feel the weight lifted off your shoulders. You’ll finally be able to hold your head high.

 

The process is worth it, because the reward is sweet. So very sweet my friends. Go spread some love on yourself today!

A year in the life: the lessons I have learnt and the blog posts they inspired

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I cannot believe we are already standing on the brink of a new year.

 

It doesn’t matter how long I have lived,  I am always taken aback by the way the days, weeks and years tumble into one another and how easily I lose track of them.

 

In my room I have a box of journals. Some incomplete. Some impossible to read due to the padlocks I insisted on using. Some filled with nothing but drawings, doodles and childhood dreams.

 

This summer I want to clean out the bedroom I used as a child but I fear it will be something of a challenge.

Mostly because of that pink, sparkly box filled with my journals.

 

I hate getting rid of things. I hate choosing what things are important enough to keep and what things hopefully won’t be missed.

 

I can’t bring myself to get rid of the journals. Etched on those pages, immortalised in those words is me. Me at age 8, 13 and 16. Me growing up, finding myself and becoming who I am.

 

I couldn’t throw away those journals any more than I could wipe this blog off the internet. The memories are too precious. The snapshots of my life too rare.

 

I’m so thankful for that sparkly, pink box. I’m so thankful for this wide, open space. This blog that enables me to pour myself out, fill you up, and keep who I was at that point in time, frozen forever.

 

Please indulge me with this one very long, final post. These are the lessons I have learnt this year. These are the blog posts I have written. This is the person I was in 2018.

 

A year in the life…

 

January:

The month you never got to see. I was in a mad scurry to get this new blog up and running.

I was also hunting for a new flat for us to live in, going to a billion flat viewings and feeling increasingly discouraged as our options grew slim!

 

Thankfully, I managed to find a perfect place that absolutely exceeded all of my expectations. And we made the place our own right before the end of the month.

 

February:

Hello and welcome to the new blog! I launched meganhallier.com and finally had an online space that matched the dream I had inside my head.

 

After moving into the new flat I decided this year I absolutely HAD to get to know my neighbours. So I took them some muffins and forged new friendships.

We got ourselves a dinner invitation with one of our neighbours who unfortunately didn’t speak English. This meal sparked my first post: The gift of our diversity.

 

I also started a new job working at a charity store which I fell in love with immediately. I got to work with clothes every day which was a dream come true!

 

But I also faced a secret battle with anxiety as my fear for the future became overwhelming. This inspired my second post: There is enough.

 

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March:

This month I learned the importance of slowing down for the first time. I realised that for my three years at university I had been rushing, straining and striving which was no good for me.

 

I took comfort in the familiar motions of being in my kitchen which is why I wrote: I’m not in a hurry.

 

I went to a leader’s retreat for church and as I watched the most glorious sunset I began formulating the words for my post: fighting the fear of missing out.

 

But March also saw me truly wrestling with my faith for the first time. I lost sight of who God is and how He fits into my life but just as quickly as I abandoned Him, I found Him again. Which lead me to write: beauty for ashes.

 

April:

In every spare moment I had, I began to write. In the hour before work, in the silences between serving customers, in the evenings after dinner.

 

I discovered that once I released myself from the “lifestyle blogging” box I was free to write with abandon. To dig deeper, to push myself harder, to reveal more than ever before.

 

And after watching and falling in love with the movie ‘La La Land’ I wrote: Here’s to the ones who dream.

 

I also went to talk on the enneagram. Learnt I am a four. And got punched in the gut with the things my type does badly. For instance, constantly longing for the future instead of enjoying the present. Cue blog post: living in the now and the endless longing for the not yet. 

 

year-in-the-life

 

May:

As my friendships changed after college I found myself craving community. So I got more involved at church and more invested in my relationships.

A volunteer at the charity store was telling me about a quilt that her and her friends were making which inspired the metaphor in the post: Craving community and the cost of real connection. 

 

In May I finally graduated from college which was one of the proudest and happiest moments of my life. But around the same time I unfortunately was replaced at my job which broke my heart and so I wrote: That familiar feeling of a changing season.

 

My anxiety continued to simmer beneath the surface so I took the very brave step of going to see a counselor. This turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and it inspired the post: Healing from the past; unraveling our stories and struggles. 

 

June:

In the dead of winter we went ice skating and my wobbly legs on the slippery ice encouraged me to write about: The fear and thrill of the fall. 

 

Around this time I was job hunting and managed to get a few interviews but the number of rejections began to get me down. The searching felt endless and so I tried to encourage anyone else in the same boat with the post: Facing up to the fear of rejection.

 

Then with my self esteem plummeting I did what any sensible person would and picked up a Brene Brown book. Her inspiring message about the power of vulnerability helped my pick myself back up and I wrote: Daring to be vulnerable and my fear of feeling joy. 

 

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July:

I was so lost. Jobless and sad, I couldn’t manage to write and so the blog got placed on the back burner in favour of my mental health.

 

August:

I finally found a new job! Working as a retail assistant in a cafe. I was delighted to work again and keep myself busy but I felt like I wasn’t living up to my potential. So I wrote: Feeling like a failure…when life doesn’t go as planned. 

 

But I also learnt the importance of being myself and I managed to flip that feeling of failure on its head. And I wrote: Authenticity and finding happiness by being myself. 

 

One weekend, I watched the Netflix movie everyone was raving about- ‘To all the boys I’ve loved before’ and I decided to write my own blog post about my past loves: To all the boys I’ve loved before.

And it was this post that prompted me to finally admit (what was probably clear to everyone else) that I was in love again. This time it was mutual!

 

year-in-the-life

 

September:

I’ve struggled with all kinds of insecurities but the very worst one has always been around my weight.

 

This year I finally began to look my myself in the mirror and actually LIKE what I saw. But nevertheless, the bad days still came and the ugly insecurities still arose. So I wrote about my body positivity struggles in my post: My body, my home.

 

October:

I started to really enjoy my job and the people I worked with but I still found myself longing for something more. I figured that I spent far too much of my time wishing for another time and place.

And I wrote the post: When wishing for the weekend becomes a way of life. 

 

November:

After being moved to a new store and having to start all over again, I realised that my job was making me totally miserable and I so I finally plucked up the courage to quit!

 

I worked out my notice and walked out the door without looking back! And I wrote about it: Doing something brave even when it scares you. 

 

year-in-the-life

December:

After tossing and turning for months, feeling really unsettled and unhappy, I decided that perhaps it was my surroundings that were bringing me down. The big city got too much for me and I packed up all my stuff and moved back home.

 

But in doing so I was forced to say goodbye to some very important people in my life which is why I wrote: The painful realisation that growing up means saying goodbye.

 

And lastly as the year came to a close I found that I needed to leave old mindsets in the past and make some space for new things to come. So I wrote about: Minimalism; clearing the clutter and living simply. 


 

Too long didn’t read ( I forgive you!)…

 

Thanks for supporting my blog this year.

Thank you for every kind comment you’ve left, every like you’ve doted upon me and every minute you’ve taken to read the words I write.

I hope you have had a wonderful holiday season and that your new year will be wonderful.

 

If you have a second it would mean the world to me if you took my reader survey.  Every bit of feedback I get is unbelievably helpful for the future posts I will write. Because ultimately, I write not just for myself, but for you too.

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See you next year!