encouragement Archives - Megan Hallier

15 positive affirmations for confidence

Gaining confidence is something I have been trying to achieve for most of my life.

I suppose that makes sense since it isn’t something that happens overnight but rather is a process, one that may take a lifetime to complete. It reminds me of the way the leaves of a fern gently unfurl. Tiny, microscopic changes occur as the plant allows itself to take up more and more space.

That’s how I tend to think of confidence as well – Being bold enough to take up space.

These days it seems like a lot of us (especially women) are doing the opposite. We are shrinking, hiding or worst of all, apologizing for taking up space.

We minimise ourselves and try to avoid making any sort of fuss.

We are so afraid of disappointing people that we prioritise others needs before our own, leaving us burnt out and exhausted.

We want to be these super women who can do it all without even breaking a sweat so we refuse to ask for help or admit when it’s all too much for us to handle.

And we allow ourselves to believe this lie that we can only show up once we are perfect. Because nobody wants to see our mess, our flaws or our imperfections.

“Just as bravery is not the absence of fear, neither is confidence the absence of imperfection.” – Ashton Smith

Recently, having to muster the strength to face people has been a real struggle. My life circumstances have felt overwhelming and having to slap on a cheerful face or make small talk with people outside of my home was simply too much.

I guess I fell into the trap of believing that I could only show up once I was perfect too.

In my head, the reason I didn’t want to face the world outside my windows was because I was too messy. I had too much drama going on in my personal life. Everything felt too uncertain and too complicated.

It is easy to blame a lack of confidence on outside circumstances. I tell myself these stories often…

I will feel more confident when I have a full time job.

I will feel more confident when I am a married woman.

I will feel more confident when I have my own house.

These outside factors glimmer with hope. Surely they will give me the safety and security I need to be myself in this world.

If I just figure out what I am going to do with my life, if I just have a place of my own to come home to, then I’m sure I’ll be brimming with confidence.

But the truth is that life is filled with uncertainty. There will always be room for us to grow into and that will always bring doubt and fear.

And hard as we try to keep all our ducks in a row, life throws curve-balls which make our outside circumstances too unpredictable to base our confidence on.

We won’t gain confidence from external circumstances because confidence comes from within.

We have to belong to ourselves before we can find belonging anywhere else. We have to feel safe and secure within ourselves rather than looking to find that security in our relationships, job or the home we live in.

How do we build confidence within ourselves?

That’s the tricky part isn’t it?

Something I have been learning from my counsellor is how to use truth coaches or what I call affirmations for confidence.

Giving ourselves some words or a phrase which helps us to coach our mind to think differently. So that instead of dwelling on our doubt, fear or lack we can be reminded of the truth.

Building confidence within requires us to start thinking about ourselves differently.

We have to acknowledge that we have flaws and weaknesses but we shouldn’t let them hold us back.

Confidence is leaning into your strengths, showing up despite your weaknesses and recognising the places where you can grow.

And let me tell you, these affirmations have made a world of difference for me. As I repeat them in my head or write them out in my journal I can feel something shifting inside me.

These words carry truth and that is powerful.

Most of my insecurities stem from feeling like I am not good enough and don’t quite measure up. So these affirmations are what I have been using to counteract those negative thoughts.

If you feel like you aren’t enough or need to change something about yourself before you will be worthy of belonging then I encourage you to start speaking these words to yourself.

I hope they will give you the courage to face whatever today brings…

15 positive affirmations for confidence:

One. Nobody knows what it is like to be me.

Two. I am incomparable, I am one of a kind.

Three. I am fine the way that I am.

Four. I don’t need to be anyone else.

Five. I bring value to this world.

Six. Everyone likes me here unless they say they don’t.

Seven. No one can make me feel inferior.

Eight. I am the author of my story.

Nine. My opinions, feelings and ideas are valid.

Ten. I will not stress about things I cannot control.

Eleven. I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to be me.

Twelve. I believe in myself and my abilities.

Thirteen. I am deserving of my dreams.

Fourteen. I am great at what I do.

Fifteen. I am proud of myself.

If you like these then take a look at my post: 25 self love affirmations.

Leave a comment below and let me know which of these affirmations for confidence stood out to you the most.

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In Building relationships

What introverts need to know about making meaningful connections

As an introvert I am keenly aware just how difficult making meaningful connections can be.

And as an introvert who is also shy well, I know a whole other level of awkward.

I know how it feels to have your voice disappear inside you when you try to speak. I understand that burning sensation as blood rushes to your cheeks in embarrassment. I completely get the unrivalled joy of plans being cancelled last minute.

Introverts walk this fine line between participation and withdrawal.

We long to be a part of the group, to have our voices heard, to be actively involved, but simultaneously, it makes us unbelievably weary.

Making meaningful connections requires so much energy, a resource we only have in limited supply.

Cramming too much into one day can leave us gasping for air or so completely depleted of energy it looks like we’ve contracted the flu. Self care isn’t just all bubble baths and glittery nail polish to us, it is necessary for our day to day survival.

We can’t cope with all the stresses life throws at us if we don’t make ourselves, our needs, and our alone time a priority.

If we don’t give ourselves that space to rest and recharge we become well, not very nice people.

Sometimes, our attempts at making meaningful connections backfire terribly.

Like last Sunday, I went to a dinner party with my boyfriend and his parents at their friend’s house. We had a lovely time watching the sunset on the porch, eating a meal together and playing cards afterwards.

But at one point while I was enthusiastically reaching across the table to grab a card off the deck, I gave my elbow an almighty thump on the edge of the table.

The sound it made was disproportionate to the pain I felt, but of course everybody was quick to dole out their sympathy for me and my stupid, noisy elbow.

I could feel my cheeks burning and my eyes start watering a little as I tried to tell them it really wasn’t so bad.

What WAS bad however, was having everybody’s eyes on me. What made me truly cringe was being the centre of attention.

As an introvert it can be so tempting to curl up inside your shell.

To hide when we should be saying ‘hello.’ To take the easy option of swaying outside the circle of conversations.

How many times have you let your phone go to voicemail so you didn’t have to talk to someone?

How often do you dash into the next aisle when you see someone you know at the supermarket?

How likely are you to avoid going to a social event if you don’t know who else will be there?

But it is these simple moments that provide an opportunity for making meaningful connections.

It’s not enough to just see your co-workers from Monday to Friday but avoid every after work gathering. You can’t just pop in and out of your Pilates class but never stop to chat with anyone beforehand.

We meet people through organised situations, work, gym classes, church, and at parties. But we make connections through the spontaneous, unplanned moments in our everyday lives.

It’s when we bump into someone in town and strike up a conversation. When they pop over to our house to borrow something and we invite them in for a cup of tea. When we accept invitations to go out to lunch instead of eating alone at home.

It takes a lot of courage in those moments, to choose connection over comfort.

To prioritise deepening our relationships when what we really want is to run on home to our cats, fluffy blankets and favourite TV show.

But if you want to make meaningful connections, you have to show up. You have to keep trying, to continually make an effort and to do the best you can to always be reachable.

You have to do the brave thing and participate when you’d really rather withdraw. You have to speak up, share your thoughts and allows others to see who you really are.

This is vulnerability at its finest. The best kind. The sort that fosters intimacy, creativity and innovation.

That’s what we get when we make ourselves available for connection.

You have to know your limits and respect them for sure.

But you shouldn’t allow yourself to be defined by a label. It’s not enough to squeeze yourself into the ‘introvert box‘ and never take any steps to challenge yourself.

I’m all for self care and being aware of your needs but sometimes we can be a little too easy on ourselves.

We can use that introvert label as an excuse to avoid people. We can get stuck in our familiar rhythms and routines and never venture out of them.

You’ve got to start noticing those precious, little chances for connection and choose to take them.

If you are craving community. If you want to make connections; deep, meaningful connections, then you have to be willing to foster them. To give up your homely comforts, your cozy Friday nights, your reliance on our answering machines and to start welcoming people into those spaces instead.

“You can choose courage or you can choose comfort. You cannot have them both.” – Brene Brown

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In Seeking encouragement

How to start now even if you don’t feel ready yet

Ready, set, GO!

That was how we always started races when I was a kid. There was always a pause, a time to gather ourselves, a clearly defined moment for us to get prepared before we took off down the track.

We always had that luxury of time to get ready. Nobody expected us to bolt right away or to make the decision as to how ready we were. We were just given the time and then asked to GO.

It was a lot easier like that. Before our minds got muddled and we got in our own way.

Before we started questioning if we really are ready, if we really can do it at all.

Before we let fear get the better of us.

Now I often find myself questioning whether I am ready, whether the timing is right, whether I need more training before I start.

There isn’t anyone there to shout ready, set, GO for me. The boundaries aren’t so clear cut anymore.

At the moment, I am looking for a new job and I find myself getting smaller and smaller in the process. With each rejection, my confidence shrinks a tiny bit and I start to tell myself that maybe I’m really just not ready yet.

I keep waiting for a job to pop up that I know I can do because I’m so afraid of flinging myself into the deep end where I’ll feel incompetent and a total failure.

I don’t feel ready, I feel paralyzed.

I am frozen to the spot, completely incapable of making such a big life decision.

Should I take a regular 9-5 job or work on my creative pursuits? Should I take a punt on a business idea or go for a stable income? Should I study more or start making some savings?

And I bet a lot of you are in the same boat. Maybe you aren’t looking for a job right now but I’m sure there is something else you’ve been longing to try but you just aren’t sure if you are ready yet.

Perhaps it’s a business idea, a new hobby or something you want to learn. Maybe there is someone you’d love to be friends with or wish could be your mentor. Or it might be a place you’d love to travel to or a new town you’d like to call home.

Whatever it is you’ve always wanted to start, the time to start is right now.

So why do we wait until we feel ready?

Why do we put so much weight on this feeling? Why do we put off doing the things that we know will make us happy?

Because the thing is, if we wait until we feel ready, we might never take the leap. We might never pluck up the courage to move forwards. We might never even try.

And the terrible truth is, if we don’t take the leap, we miss out on life.

Every exciting, incredible, soul-satisfying possibility is on the other side of fear.

Fear, that diving board we are teetering on. Fear, the jolting feeling of missing the last step. Fear, that nagging sensation we’ve forgotten something at home.

Fear will always be there. Telling us the timing isn’t right. Making us believe we aren’t good enough. Keeping us stagnant.

But life is too short to miss out on opportunities because we feel afraid. We don’t have the luxury of time to wait until we feel ready, we have to just start now.

How to start now even if you don’t feel ready

Push past your fear

Figure out what the fears are that are preventing you from taking action and address them.

My biggest fears are that I’ll fail or I’ll embarrass myself.

So I am learning to work through these fears by being gentle with myself when I fail. Thereby, creating a positive environment where failure is okay, as long as I learn from it.

I also choose to surround myself with people who will support me regardless of the outcome of my attempts. This means that I can trust them to encourage and stand by me in both my successes and disappointments.

Remove any self-limiting beliefs

What I know from the past is that with most jobs, you learn as you go. You gain the skills you need to perform the job, by doing the job. You figure out if this kind of work is right for you by giving it a go.

And the same goes for almost anything. You simply learn as you go.

Most of the time, you don’t know if you can do something until you give it a try.

So don’t allow yourself to believe you aren’t good enough or you don’t have the skills to do something. You can learn!

Instead, speak words of kindness over yourself. Be your own biggest cheerleader. Build yourself up so that you have the confidence to try. Give some of these self love affirmations a go.

Fake it till you make it

This is the constant piece of advice I get from my older friends, the ones who have lived longer and tried to make things happen for themselves more times than I have.

These words have always bugged me before because they are one of those phrases people like to throw around without actually giving you any advice.

But the deal is, if you don’t feel ready yet, then you should act as though you do. Act like you aren’t afraid. Talk with confidence instead of cushioning your words with I thinks, buts and maybes.

Make people believe you are the real deal and keep going until you start to believe you are the real deal too.

If you carry yourself with confidence nobody will question whether you belong or whether you are right. Learning how to be confident is key.

Take small steps forward

It feels terribly overwhelming if you try to face all of your fears and jump head first into your project right away.

So just take it in small steps. It’s okay if all you did today was begin your research or watch a Youtube video or say out loud for the first time that you want to write book.

Small steps are still movement and they provide the initial work required to gain momentum.

Whatever it is that you are dreaming of starting, you absolutely can.

Even now, when you don’t feel ready yet.

You just need to believe in yourself. Invest in yourself. Give yourself the tools, time and space to achieve your goals. And remember, nothing ever happens overnight. Success takes hard work, patience and persistence.

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In Seeking encouragement

25 self-love affirmations to pick yourself up on bad days

When I think of self love I think self-indulgence, an enlarged ego and the desperate desire for attention.

I think of all the stereotypes and the critical things people have to say about millennials. I think of the way we are mocked for our participation awards, our inspirational quotes and our obsession with documenting our lives online.

But what they often fail to mention are the pressures millennials face in this modern world.

The massive amounts of debt we incur through student loans, the impossible search for a stable job, the completely unrealistic housing prices and the constant inferiority we feel because of the highlight reel we see from our peers online.

This world squeezes us from every side. It crushes us beneath its weight. It tramples on our dreams and takes delight in leaving us feeling like a failure.

It can be hard to keep your head up against those pounding waves.

It can be a challenge to step into anything new, bold or daring when the way before you is paved with potential failure and an onslaught of “I told you so’s.“

I have struggled with self-love for as long as I can remember…

I have fallen into the trap of trying to be like everyone else many times.

I’ve berated myself for my differences and done everything I can to change them. To smother my uniqueness. To stifle my individuality.

However, I have come to realise that my greatest successes always come when I am being my authentic self. But it takes so much courage to live that way. To be unashamed of ourselves and to live without putting up walls that keep people out.

That kind of vulnerability requires incredible inner strength and an abundance of self love.

We have to recognise that in order to thrive in this world we need unshakable confidence in ourselves.

We have to believe in ourselves because we might just be the only one that does.

When you treat yourself with gentleness and compassion you create a safe environment where you have room to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, to try without fear of failing.

That’s what is so great about self love affirmations. They are more tangible. We can say them out aloud, write them down, hang them on our walls.

We can thread them through our lives so that they become part of our vocabulary. A familiar, friendly voice of encouragement.

They can change the way we think and talk about ourselves.

For many people, self-love can seem trivial. A luxury. An indulgence. But I believe that self-love is a necessity. Not a after thought or an add-on, but the one of the things we need most of all.

Self-love is important because it is our foundation

It is the place where we build all our beliefs about ourselves from. It is the difference between having the confidence to say YES or giving into fear and saying NO.

So here are some words of encouragement for you today and every day. For the bad days and the good. Words for you to speak over yourself and let sink deep down into your heart.

May they become part of your vocabulary, the new way you think and feel about yourself.

My dear millennial friends, this is your participation trophy, your pat on the back, your gentle reminder that you are doing a good job. I hope these self love affirmations will give you the confidence you need to face the world.

25 self love affirmations to remember on bad days:

One. I’m proud of myself for daring to try, most people don’t even do that.

Two. I am not my mistakes, I forgive myself for those.

Three. I deserve love, compassion and empathy from others.

Four. No one is me and that is my super power.

Five. I am learning every single day.

Six. Fear is only a feeling, it will not hold me back.

Seven. I am doing the best I can with what I have.

Eight. I choose to stop apologizing for being myself.

Nine. I am free to make my own choices and decisions.

Ten. I will only surround myself with people who bring out the best in me.

Eleven. I will not compare myself to others.

Twelve. I am allowed to feel whatever emotions I do.

Thirteen. I will not be controlled by my emotions, I am in control.

Fourteen. I don’t need to be impressive to anyone else.

Fifteen. I will treat my body with respect.

Sixteen. I am leaving the past behind me.

Seventeen. I am capable of handling whatever comes in the future.

Eighteen. I will be patient with myself as I grow.

Nineteen. I am grateful for my uniqueness I will not be ashamed of it.

Twenty. I accept I have weaknesses but they do not define me.

Twenty one: My vulnerability is my greatest strength.

Twenty two: I am proud of everything I have achieved so far.

Twenty three: I am a creative person when I give myself the chance to be.

Twenty four: I will take things one step at a time.

Twenty five: I am enough just as I am.

“I once was afraid of people saying ‘who does she think she is’ now I have the courage to stand and say ‘this is who I am.” Oprah Winfrey

If you would like to have a copy of each of these affirmations (like the image above) to stick on your bathroom mirror or fridge or bedside table… I’ve made a PDF document you can download and print out.

Just fill in your details below and it’s all yours!

What self love affirmations would you add to my list?

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In Seeking encouragement

Doing something brave even when it scares you

I’ve been feeling this pressure welling up inside of me for months. Like the gentle expansion of a balloon as air is forced into it, stretching and stretching until eventually, it bursts.

The stress has been pressing in on me from all sides.

I have felt trapped. Unable to move because every option seems too heavy, too messy or too complicated to pursue.

In all honesty, my job has been making me miserable and all this time I’ve been wrestling with this constant dissatisfaction.

Because serving people all day long is exhausting. Because waking up at 5am every day is grueling. Because getting told off and feeling on edge all the time is demeaning.

And truthfully, I believe I deserve better.

But I’ve been too scared to walk away. Because quitting means stepping into the unknown, a future without the security of a job, without a clear plan, without a clue what to do next.

Leaving means giving up a regular paycheck and my independence.

So I have stayed.

I’ve pushed through the negative thoughts and tried to focus on the positive. I’ve thought of tiny, little ways to make each day better. I’ve started going to bed early so the mornings aren’t quite as painful.

And yet, I still feel the pressure. I still feel the dissatisfaction. I still feel myself yearning for something more.

Happiness, excitement and creativity are calling out me. Begging me to do the brave thing. Quickening my heart and filling my head with dreams that I long to make come true.

Finally, after months of this internal battle, I decided to quit my job.

Now I feel sick. Now I feel free. Now I feel I am finally being true to myself.

There have been so many moments this year where I have felt that queasy, is-this-the-right-thing-or-a-terrible-mistake feeling.

So many times I’ve doubted myself, grappled with the uncertainty and clung to the familiar instead of choosing the brave thing.

I don’t blame myself.

Doing the brave thing is hard. Going out on a limb is terrifying. Stepping into the unknown takes so much courage.

We get these rare moments every now and then where we can choose to take the easy route or do the brave thing.

Should we date that guy? Should we take that job? Should we move to a new city? Should we go back and study?

To me it feels a lot like rock climbing. You don’t really know which of the oddly-shaped hand holds to grab until you let go of the last one and stretch your arm up to grab the next one.

For a split second you are dangling in mid-air, gripping nothing, with only your sheer focus and determination driving you forwards.

Sometimes you grab the wrong handhold. One of those small, knobbly ones that makes your sweaty hands slip right off.

But other times you are lucky enough to reach for one with a proper indentation, one that makes pulling yourself up easy.

Sometimes being brave is just about doing the next right thing. Sitting still long enough to recognize your wants and needs.

The brave thing might be the opposite of what everyone else says you should do. It might make you unpopular. It might take everything you’ve got.

But the brave thing is worth it.

A little over five months ago I said another scary yes and started dating a guy who’s ended up becoming my best friend.

Every part of me wanted to keep my tattered little heart locked up safe where no guy could ever trample on it again but instead I chose to share it with him. I chose to open up and give love another chance.

It turns out this was the best yes I’ve said in a long time.

So here I am again doing the brave thing even though it scares me.

Reaching out for the next handhold, unsure whether it will be able to support me. Going out on a limb because I know life is full of surprises if we are willing to take a chance.

We can fool ourselves into believing that it is only special people who do incredible things. That only very few, lucky people are truly happy. But I think that’s wrong.

The truly happy people, the ones who have done and are doing amazing things are the ones who are willing to do the brave things.

They aren’t any different to you and me. They just pushed past the fear and said yes anyway. They just bottled away enough courage to leap forwards.

They just believed in themselves enough to think it might just be worth a try.

And that’s what you need to do today.

Believe in yourself and do the brave thing, even (especially) if it scares you.

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In Living intentionally

When wishing for the weekend becomes a way of life

Wednesdays are the hardest day of the week for me. Mondays tend to get a bad rap but I am not convinced they are really so bad.

On Monday I feel refreshed after having two days off. I usually have had more than eight hours sleep the night before, my feet aren’t aching from being stood on all day and most often, I still have the enthusiasm to pack a decent lunch.

But come Wednesday, I’ve got two days worth of dishes piling up in the sink, clothes strewn all over the floor and I can hardly keep my eyes open when I first wake up.

It takes every ounce of willpower I have to muster the strength to get out of bed.

On Wednesdays I always end up questioning what I am doing with my life. I am always especially critical of myself. And I always find myself beginning to long for the weekend.

That’s the way it goes.

We spend the weekdays longing for the weekend and we spend the weekend wishing the weekdays wouldn’t come too soon.

In my family we have a special term for that melancholy, Sunday night feeling. ‘Sundaytitis’ was the simultaneous feeling of contentment from a weekend of rest and sadness knowing that tomorrow work would begin again.

The truth is, I spend 5/7 days each week wishing my life away. Longing for the rest, joy and fullness I feel on the weekend.

But I don’t just do this with weekdays and Wednesdays either, I’m guilty of doing it with whole seasons of my life.

I constantly find myself wishing I could jump past the boring, stressful and painful parts of life and skip to the good bits. I want to fast forward. I want every day to feel like the weekend, like the first day of summer, like the beginning of a holiday.

Some days I feel the tears of frustration well up in my eyes because the reality is, we can’t fast forward. There is no skipping to the highlights.

We can’t avoid the Wednesdays, the crappy days and the just-plain-unfair-for-no-particular-reason days.

To get enjoy all of the wonderful times we must live through the bleak times as well.

Life is this infuriating balance of dull and beautiful, dark and light, work and rest. We need the contrast for completeness. We need the variety to keep up our momentum.

I feel this becomes apparently clear as the days are getting longer and the air is getting warmer.

Summer is romancing us with lavish sunshine and an abundance of blooms. It’s sweet and makes my soul happy but I know eventually I will tire of the relentless heat.

Soon the humidity will feel overwhelming and once again I’ll be longing for the coolness of winter.

We think winter is boring and cold. We are stuck inside and it gets dark far too early and getting out of bed is the worst torture known to man. But in reality, winter is a blessing.

A break from the play-filled summer months. A time for the leaves to die off and seeds to burrow down into the soil.

A necessary pause in the middle of the year to slow us down as we glide closer and closer to Christmas.

Wednesdays are the same. Smack bang in the middle. A chance to pause and catch our breaths.

Something my Granny always says is that getting old happens much faster than you could imagine. She often remarks that one day I’ll wake up and suddenly be her age wondering where my whole life went.

And every time she says this, I will smile and nod at her just like she did to her grandmother.

But I know she is right.

Time is no friend of the young.

I see the wrinkles appearing already. They start at the corner of your eyes, just when you smile and eventually the creases become permanent, etching outwards towards the tips of your ears.

Our time is so very precious. I don’t want to wish it away. I don’t want to get so caught up in longing for the next big thing that I miss what is right in front of me.

The wonder in every day. The delight in simply being alive. The gift of another day on this planet.

I want to do my best to make every day special. To make every day count. To feel I have participated in a worthy exchange; a day of my life for the laughter, love, and beauty shared.

This isn’t easy to do, given how hectic and complicated our lives get. I think it is a spiritual practice, something that takes discipline and a sense of gratitude.

An awareness of those elusive, divine moments that are sprinkled throughout every day. If we blink we might miss them, so we have to practice keeping our eyes and our hearts open and receptive to them.

Today might be dull. It might be dreary, rainy, slow or somber. But it is a day of your life that you will never get back.

So make it count. Search for the goodness, hope for more, keep gratitude at the centre of who you are.

Before you know it, you’ll be seventy five telling your grand daughter the very same thing.

P.S. If you are looking for a really excellent movie that focuses on the same idea as this post then check out ‘About Time.’ It’s one of my favourites!

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