brave Archives - Megan Hallier

How to be confident even when you feel afraid and unsure of yourself

I wish I was one of those people who boldly jumped at the chance to try something new. I wish I felt the thrill of adrenaline and chased rampantly after adventure. I wish was braver, brighter and more exciting. I wish I knew how to be confident.

But time and time again, I am reminded that I’m not a thrill-seeker and confidence doesn’t come naturally to me.

The other day I went mountain biking for the very first time. I jiggled and bounced my way along the tracks, gripping onto the handlebars for dear life. The entire time, telling myself I was going to fall off or my brakes would fail and I’d be grievously hurt.

I felt ridiculous for going so slowly and even more ridiculous for having to stick to the kiddie track because the others sounded too terrifying.

It seems that whenever I try to do something new or scary, my mind is flooded with insecurities and I feel so awfully ashamed.

I feel frustrated with myself for being so afraid of everything. I feel guilty for slowing everyone else down. I feel stupid for needing to stop or for crying when I feel overwhelmed.

I churn these thoughts over and over in my head until I feel totally battered and bruised. As soon as I find the confidence to step out, shame pulls me right back.

This shame is so deeply entrenched in me I don’t even know where to look to begin excavating it.

I watch other people stride confidently through life and I wonder why I can’t do the same.

Why do I hold myself back and hinder my own progress? Why do I believe I am always going to fail? Why do I whisper the worst possible outcome to myself so that I walk in trembles rather than strides?

I’ve considered that maybe this is just a part of my personality or the way that I was raised. Always cautious and much happier to observe than participate.

But I think there is something more to it than that.

I think what I need to learn is how to be confident. How to hold onto that steadfast belief that I CAN do it if only I try. Shame has taken every smidgen of self-belief and squeezed it out of me.

The reason my friends zoomed out on to the ice this past weekend when we went skating, while I held on fiercely to the railing is because they believed in themselves, and I didn’t.

They’ve done it before and they knew that they could do it again. They weren’t afraid of falling because they knew they were perfectly capable of composing themselves and getting right back up again if they did.

They had confidence in themselves.

I, on the other hand, saw the slippery ice and felt the thin blade on my shoes wobble beneath me and I was absolutely certain that I would fall straight on my face and make a spectacle of myself.

Every time, what trips me up is that little lingering voice of negativity. The one that tells me I can’t do it, that I’m not safe and if I try, I’m going to fail. It is the fear of falling that terrifies me and stops me from jumping in.

The bravest thing I can do is hear that voice but go anyway. Give it my best effort, show up even though I’m afraid, try even though I might fail.

I think that’s what we often get wrong about courage.

Confidence might be flashy, impressive or pretty to look at but courage usually isn’t. Most often, courage looks like simply showing up. Actually doing the brave thing, even though it scares us.

It reminds me of the lyrics from a song in ‘The Sound of Music’…

“I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again!
Besides, which you see
I have confidence in me!”

I want that so very much. Even if I look from the outside like I’m shaking. Even if I’m quiet as a mouse and the last to jump on my bike. Besides what you see, I want to have confidence in me.

I want to back myself. I want to give myself the credit I deserve. I want to feel proud of who I am and what I do.

I don’t want shame to cloud my vision or make me feel inferior anymore.

So I’m learning how to be confident…

I’m starting with working on my mindset. Replacing those negative thoughts with brighter ones. Telling myself that I CAN do it and I AM strong enough and I’m brave even just for trying.

Then I’m going to push myself to do even more. I’ll fill my life with more adventure, more excitement, more of the things that make me feel a little bit shaky but incredibly alive afterwards.

So that shame finally realises that I am not one to be messed with. I won’t let it stop me from living fully.

And lastly, no matter what, I won’t give up.

Even if it takes me three times around the ice rink holding onto the sides before I let go. Even if I have to hold someone’s hand the entire time or if I have to stick to the kiddie track and cry a little bit because I’m afraid.

I’ll keep on trying until eventually, I succeed. Until at last I find that confidence that’s buried deep within me.

I’ve let shame get the best of me for too long.

I have allowed it to throw shadows over my dreams and batter my self esteem until I’m too afraid to even try.

Regardless of how many times someone might tell you, you are brilliant or lovely or wonderfully talented, there is still that one voice which tells you otherwise.

But I think it’s time we start believing what everyone else says about us. We are brave, we are strong and we CAN do it if we will only try.

Besides what you see…I have confidence in me.

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In Seeking encouragement

Doing something brave even when it scares you

I’ve been feeling this pressure welling up inside of me for months. Like the gentle expansion of a balloon as air is forced into it, stretching and stretching until eventually, it bursts.

The stress has been pressing in on me from all sides.

I have felt trapped. Unable to move because every option seems too heavy, too messy or too complicated to pursue.

In all honesty, my job has been making me miserable and all this time I’ve been wrestling with this constant dissatisfaction.

Because serving people all day long is exhausting. Because waking up at 5am every day is grueling. Because getting told off and feeling on edge all the time is demeaning.

And truthfully, I believe I deserve better.

But I’ve been too scared to walk away. Because quitting means stepping into the unknown, a future without the security of a job, without a clear plan, without a clue what to do next.

Leaving means giving up a regular paycheck and my independence.

So I have stayed.

I’ve pushed through the negative thoughts and tried to focus on the positive. I’ve thought of tiny, little ways to make each day better. I’ve started going to bed early so the mornings aren’t quite as painful.

And yet, I still feel the pressure. I still feel the dissatisfaction. I still feel myself yearning for something more.

Happiness, excitement and creativity are calling out me. Begging me to do the brave thing. Quickening my heart and filling my head with dreams that I long to make come true.

Finally, after months of this internal battle, I decided to quit my job.

Now I feel sick. Now I feel free. Now I feel I am finally being true to myself.

There have been so many moments this year where I have felt that queasy, is-this-the-right-thing-or-a-terrible-mistake feeling.

So many times I’ve doubted myself, grappled with the uncertainty and clung to the familiar instead of choosing the brave thing.

I don’t blame myself.

Doing the brave thing is hard. Going out on a limb is terrifying. Stepping into the unknown takes so much courage.

We get these rare moments every now and then where we can choose to take the easy route or do the brave thing.

Should we date that guy? Should we take that job? Should we move to a new city? Should we go back and study?

To me it feels a lot like rock climbing. You don’t really know which of the oddly-shaped hand holds to grab until you let go of the last one and stretch your arm up to grab the next one.

For a split second you are dangling in mid-air, gripping nothing, with only your sheer focus and determination driving you forwards.

Sometimes you grab the wrong handhold. One of those small, knobbly ones that makes your sweaty hands slip right off.

But other times you are lucky enough to reach for one with a proper indentation, one that makes pulling yourself up easy.

Sometimes being brave is just about doing the next right thing. Sitting still long enough to recognize your wants and needs.

The brave thing might be the opposite of what everyone else says you should do. It might make you unpopular. It might take everything you’ve got.

But the brave thing is worth it.

A little over five months ago I said another scary yes and started dating a guy who’s ended up becoming my best friend.

Every part of me wanted to keep my tattered little heart locked up safe where no guy could ever trample on it again but instead I chose to share it with him. I chose to open up and give love another chance.

It turns out this was the best yes I’ve said in a long time.

So here I am again doing the brave thing even though it scares me.

Reaching out for the next handhold, unsure whether it will be able to support me. Going out on a limb because I know life is full of surprises if we are willing to take a chance.

We can fool ourselves into believing that it is only special people who do incredible things. That only very few, lucky people are truly happy. But I think that’s wrong.

The truly happy people, the ones who have done and are doing amazing things are the ones who are willing to do the brave things.

They aren’t any different to you and me. They just pushed past the fear and said yes anyway. They just bottled away enough courage to leap forwards.

They just believed in themselves enough to think it might just be worth a try.

And that’s what you need to do today.

Believe in yourself and do the brave thing, even (especially) if it scares you.

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