In Living intentionally, Seeking encouragement

The rise of influencer marketing and what it means for authenticity online

For some time now, Instagram has been my least favourite social media platform.

When I first started blogging, I jumped on absolutely every social media platform –like you do– and I treated Instagram like a visual diary.

I used it to document all of the sweet, funny, lovely moments of each day and I would connect with other bloggers who were doing the same.

But A LOT has changed since then.

These days, with the rise of influencer marketing, owning an Instagram account comes with a lot of responsibility.

As a member of the platform, if you want to be taken seriously, you are required to curate an aesthetically pleasing feed for your followers.

There is no room for spontaneity or images that depict real life anymore. Influencers have created a world where everything needs to be colour coordinated, perfectly proportioned, edited and filtered so that it looks like something you would find inside a glossy magazine.

I really struggle with how fake some of these accounts seem to be. Authenticity is something I value a great deal, as I talked about in my post- authenticity and finding happiness by being myself.

At the beginning of this year I found that logging into Instagram made me feel not only bad about myself, my home and my life but also about my creative endeavors.

I felt that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to get a perfectly curated feed. I never knew what to say in my captions. And recording videos for Insta-stories made me feel terribly awkward.

Instagram reminded me of the way I used to feel in high school.

How there were all those little cliques and segregated groups. The sporty kids, the nerdy kids, the quiet ones and the popular ones.

No matter how much I told myself we were all just PEOPLE, I always felt intimidated by the popular kids. There was something about them that I could never match up to. They always made me feel inferior with their designer jeans and the effortless way they managed to always be the centre of attention.

That’s how I used to feel on Instagram. Small. Insignificant. Impossibly confused.

My feed seemed to consist of influencers with hundreds of followers whose picture-perfect lives were a billboard for everything I am not.

For the longest time I have just felt left out and left behind.

I am no supermodel. I don’t have abs worthy of bikini-on-the-beach shots. I don’t go out every Friday evening to share snaps of my cocktails. I don’t have a beautiful all-white, marble counter-topped kitchen.

I’m just well, ordinary.

Most days I go without wearing make up. I prefer to make coffee at home rather than spend money going out all the time.

I feel embarrassed taking pictures of myself in public with everyone looking at me. And my bedroom is dark, cozy and totally un-aesthetically pleasing.

But nobody wants to see ordinary on Instagram. They want flashy, beautiful, and air-brushed. They want a real-life fairy tale all sparkly and tied up with a bow.

So it leaves me wondering, where does someone like me fit in? What have I got to share that people would actually care about?

I couldn’t answer these questions for awhile so I just stayed away.

I hardly ever posted. I became an Instagram lurker, one of those people who likes pictures and watches everyone else posting but never participates.

But slowly I drifted back and decided I would take Instagram seriously again.

If I wanted to be a serious blogger, then I needed to not just lurk online but to participate, to share and be part of this world.

So I started editing my photos to make them a little nicer. I started putting in a bit more of an effort to figure out the colours and style that I wanted to display in my feed.

I started to see Instagram as just another outlet for my creativity

I discovered it could be another place to be curious, excited and inspired.

And in the process I found there was a community of people just like me. People who weren’t there to make sales, who didn’t look like models, who weren’t portraying these impossible standards.

I found people with the same values as me.

Who were passionate about mindfulness and living intentionally and being present in the moment.

People who weren’t pushing consumption, asking their followers to buy more and more and more. People who just wanted to share their art, their words and their pictures with the world.

My kind of people.

And so Instagram has become one of my favourite social media platforms. I place where I can connect with other creatives. I place where I can feel inspired and uplifted. I place where I can create and share my work.

I think the rise of influencer marketing is a double-edged sword.

I hate the way it encourages mindless consumption. The way it makes us feel like we are always lacking something. The way it portrays a lifestyle that is unrealistic, even for those taking the photos.

But I love that it enables small businesses and lesser-known creatives to shine. I love that it makes connection and community possible. And that this form of marketing gives power back to the people.

How do we choose authenticity over perfection online?

By following people who are genuine.

Those who share their behind-the-scenes and aren’t afraid of the messy aspects of life. Those who are honest about which of their content that is sponsored. Those who only share what they truly love and believe in.

By un-following people who make us feel less-than.

You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. It doesn’t matter how cool or popular they may be, you don’t need to compare yourself to them. There are only so many people’s pictures you can scroll through in a day, so they might as well be people you actually LOVE to follow.

By choosing community over competition.

Search for people who care about the same stuff you do. Find your community and build them up. Comment on, like and share others accounts, there is enough space for all of us to be creative and successful.

Let’s chat about this in the comments…

How do you feel about Instagram, influencer marketing or social media in general?

6 Comments

In Living intentionally

The best simple living podcasts to encourage mindfulness

I love podcasts. I love that I can take them with me wherever I go. I love that they are filled with such inspiration, humour and wisdom. And I love that they have this magical property of turning any dull task into a delight.

I used to try listening to podcasts on the bus to university but I found myself getting increasingly frustrated that I couldn’t turn the volume up loud enough so I could hear them speaking without bursting my eardrums in the process.

So I stopped listening altogether for a while.

Then, when I started driving myself to and from work, I rediscovered the joy of podcasts. They gave me something to look forward to as I left the house, in the dark, at an ungodly hour and joined the humming, early morning traffic.

Podcasts have this way of making mundane, daily tasks a pleasurable experience.

Suddenly, cleaning dishes, commuting to work or brushing your teeth becomes a time to relax and reflect. What once felt tedious becomes a routine I thoroughly enjoy.

I now find myself itching to go for a walk each day so that I can slip my earphones in and start listening to the next episode in my queue.

It’s exciting to me that podcasts are so rapidly growing in popularity. I’m delighted that more and more creatives are using this platform to share content.

I love reading blog posts but I find there is something really special about hearing a person’s words in their own voice.

As you know, I am a simple living enthusiast. I am passionate about slowing down, being mindful and living in the moment. And I love nothing more than connecting with or discovering other people who feel the same way.

I wanted to share with you some of the people who inspire my writing. These are my go-to podcasts, the ones I’ll always make time for. Some of them I’ve been listening to for years and some are fairly new to my collection.

All of them will inspire you to live intentionally, to not take anything for granted but instead to appreciate every precious moment you have.

The best simple living podcasts to encourage mindfulness:

Image: Christy Nockels

The Glorious In The Mundane- Christy Nockels

Christy is a Christian musician and I’ve mentioned her lullaby album before in my post about ways to calm down when you are feeling anxious for no reason. I listen to her album on repeat on bad days.

And her podcast is just as beautiful as her music.

Each season she has a theme which she centres the episodes around such as ‘home’ or ‘postures of the heart.’

In every episode, she starts by telling a story from her everyday life. I know a lot of people who hosts podcasts do this, but I think Christy does it the best.

Her stories captivate your attention like your teacher did as she read to you while you all sat cross-legged on the mat. Her words have this way of making you feel lighter, softer and closer to God.

Christy will remind you to gently look for the beauty in the ordinary (hence the name, ‘glorious in the mundane.’) After listening to this podcast you will have a greater appreciation for the wonder of life, even in the dull moments.

My favourite episode: Build my life | Episode 25

The Next Right Thing- Emily P. Freeman

I came across this podcast last year when I was in the middle of job hunting and feeling so terribly lost (the theme of my twenties I feel.) I was drawn to the title because boy, did I need some help figuring out my next right thing.

Every episode of this podcast feels like a warm hug. A pat on the back. Someone giving you a little cheer as you drag yourself closer to the finish line.

Emily provides guidance and wisdom as we try to work out what to do next. She reminds us of the gentle nudges we often miss that are also known as our intuition.

This podcast will encourage you to take things slowly, to give yourself a little grace, to take the little steps that lead to big steps until you eventually find your rhythm.

My favourite episode: Stay in today | Episode 36

Image: Apple Itunes

Hashtag Authentic- Sara Tasker

I stumbled across Sarah’s book and subsequently, blog through another blogger I follow.

Sarah is what you might call an Instagram guru. She runs her own beautiful blog, Instagram and a super successful business teaching others how to do the same.

Her podcast is so down to earth. You get the impression that she is one of the sweetest people on earth. She talks about mindfulness, creativity and social media in a way that brings together what can sometimes feel like polar opposites.

You will love this podcast if you are a fellow creative, a business owner, or someone who finds Instagram beautiful but impossibly confusing!

My favourite episode: Live in Manchester | Episode 67

Image: Katie Dalebout

Let It Out- Katie Dalebout

You may have seen Katie’s book ‘Let It Out’ around online. It’s a guide to journaling and one of the BEST journaling tool kits I’ve come across.

Her podcast has been one I have followed for a long time. What I love about it is that she doesn’t shy away from difficult subjects. She mainly focuses on health and well-being with topics such as self care, therapy, and body positivity.

Katie talks earnestly about a lot of things that are really rough about your twenties. She makes you feel like you are not alone. Her gentle, warm voice leaves you feeling comforted like you just caught up with an old friend.

Image: The Commoner’s Communion

The Commoner’s Communion- Strahan

Strahan is another Christian musician but he’s actually from New Zealand which makes me really happy. Not only does he create fun, folksy music but he is also an incredible speaker.

I’m disappointed to say he hasn’t released any new episodes of his podcast in quite awhile but I highly recommend you go and check out his older ones.

Strahan is one of those beautifully articulate, poetic, wordsy people who reminds you that everything is sacred and special. His podcast makes faith and Christianity more accessible and less old and stuffy.

My favourite episode: New | Episode 4

Image: Jessica Rose Williams

The Little Chapters- Jessica Rose Williams & Kayte Ferris

This is one I only just came across recently but I loved the episode so much I had to add it to this list.

I love how chatty and friendly these two ladies are. The conversation I listened to was really interesting and encouraging.

This podcast is very real and authentic, it will inspire you to reconsider some of the beliefs you hold and take actions to improve yourself.

My favourite episode: Abundance vs Lack | Episode 15

What are your favourite podcasts?

10 Comments

In Seeking encouragement

3 lies about your self-worth you need to stop believing

I’ve been run down by one of those hideous, can’t-see-it-but-it-still-hurts colds. The kind of cold that gives the illusion of not being so bad but in reality, feels like your brain is too big for your head and is trying to squeeze its way out.

I hate being sick. Everyone hates being sick.

Usually people hate sickness because of the icky symptoms. The relentlessly runny nose, the scratchy sore throat, the pounding head and watery eyes. It’s a cocktail of discomfort that nobody likes to swallow.

But secretly, if I am being truly honest, the reason I hate being sick is that I can’t do anything.

In my weakened state I am forced to lie down, to rest my eyes, to drink cups of soup and watch old re-runs on TV.

And somehow, deep down a little part of me still gives into the lie that says my self-worth is determined by my productivity.

It’s why I currently dread Mondays so much. While everyone else sets their alarms hideously early and gulps down their coffee so they get to work on time, I wake up and am reminded that I have nowhere I need to be.

It feels like a kick in the gut every time. It sends me into an absolute funk at the start of each week.

I feel like a kite that has come loose from its string. Untethered and floating aimlessly. No purpose, no meaning, no value.

But the stupid thing is, I AM still being productive, my guilt is misplaced, my shame is invalid.

Right now I am doing some online study, I am writing for my blog, I am curating content and connecting with others. I am not wasting time and yet I feel this strong sense of unworthiness.

I blame this on the messed up world we live in, with its endless hustling mentality, with its thirst for collecting accomplishments, with its need to seek approval from everyone else.

It’s just too easy to get sucked into those wonky beliefs.

But I have to say, I am mighty tired of feeling like a failure for not quite matching up to these expectations.

More and more, I am needing to shrug my shoulders into grace like you do a sweater. Right now, especially, I am needing a reminder of who I am, what makes me valuable and where my worth comes from.

So as much for me as for you, here is some encouragement for your heart today.

3 lies about your self-worth you need to stop believing…

Your worth doesn’t come from your work.

Your value is not measured by how much you get done each day. You cannot simply work more, hustle more or stretch more into each day to make yourself of greater importance.

As a type A personality, I always struggle with this one. I like that if I put in effort, I can see the results. I like knowing that my hard work pays off. The idea that I can’t earn my worth is difficult for me to wrap my head around.

But coming to a place of understanding that productivity does not make you whole is a huge relief.

If doing more won’t make us more worthy, then doing less won’t make us less worthy. Therefore, I can rest. I can just BE. I can slow down and enjoy life without feeling guilty.

I’ve always liked that quote that reminds us we are human BEINGS not human DOINGS.

We don’t have to earn our rest.

Image by: tend + mend

Your worth isn’t related to your career.

There has been such incredible progress for women in this area. Nowadays, there are so many opportunities for us to excel. There are so many ways we can make a living, so many things we can do to keep ourselves busy.

But with all this progress, I feel an underlying pressure to pursue the sort of career that the women who came before me couldn’t.

I feel privileged to have the choice but that being said, it should be a CHOICE.

Whether we stay at home and raise sweet babies, bake cakes, and cultivate beautiful gardens. Or whether we wear snazzy suits, have a personal assistant and the only way to see us is to make an appointment. Or whether we split our time between home and the office.

Regardless of our choice, we are worthy.

Your worth isn’t determined by your success.

Time and time again I feel the thorny fear of failure tightening around my chest.

So often this fear is what puts us off even trying something. We are so scared that we might fail and therefore be a failure.

But simply failing doesn’t make you a failure. Failing means you were daring enough to even try!

The thing is, no amount of awards or accomplishments will give us meaning. Successes and failures slot neatly into the boxes of wisdom and experience, useful to draw out for future endeavors but completely irrelevant in terms of our value as human beings.

Win or lose, we have purpose here.

And while we are on the subject, here are some more lies you shouldn’t be believing about your self-worth.

Your self-worth is not determined by…

Others opinions of you.

What you wear.

How thin you are.

Whether you went to college.

How much you know about politics.

Whether you can throw a rugby ball.

How good you are at dancing.

On and on we could go.

These are just the lies that shame feeds us, keeping us small, keeping us tame, keeping us from reaching our full potential.

Because here is the truth: your worth is innate, intrinsic, a part of you regardless of anything else.

You cannot earn it. You cannot lose it.

I don’t know about you, but that makes me feel free. I can do or be anything. I can try and fail at anything. I can wrap myself in love because grace says, no matter what…I am worthy.

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In Seeking encouragement

8 ways to calm down when you are feeling anxious for no reason

I originally sat down to write a post on perfectionism but as soon as I started, I realised something. I’m not really a perfectionist and I don’t have much to say on the matter.

I would be of no use to you. I don’t have any advice for people who obsessively use rulers and match the colours of their clothes pegs. I am not that person.

What I am however, is highly strung. I know all about feeling anxious for no reason.

I carry anxiety around with me like most ladies do a purse.

I am hopeless without structure and routine. I need to be able to plan ahead. I need to make sure I am adequately prepared for any and all eventualities.

Spontaneity, completely throws me off, it rips the rug right out from under my feet.

The older I am getting, the better I am becoming at letting go of control. I am slowly learning how to cope with uncertainty so that it doesn’t paralyze me.

But sometimes when we feel ourselves slipping, we need strategies to help us calm down.

We need tools to help us cope after a stressful day. A routine that can help us to prepare ourselves for something uncomfortable like a dentist visit or awkward phone call.

We need to have a way of cooling off and resetting, a way of bringing harmony into our every day lives.

Because sometimes there is a clear and obvious reason why we are feeling anxious, but sometimes we are feeling anxious for no reason at all.

These coping mechanisms are especially important for highly strung people, those of us who are always just teetering on the edge of becoming overwhelmed.

We need to know our limits and make sure we take extra special care of ourselves.

So as a highly strung, often anxious person, these are my personal coping mechanisms. These are the ways I practice self care. This is how I manage to stay sane.

8 ways to calm down when you are feeling anxious for no reason…

Focus on your breathing

When we get very stressed we tend to take short, shallow breaths. The problem is, this only encourages our body’s ‘fight or flight‘ response which ends up prolonging our feeling of stress.

The very best thing we can do in any stressful situation is to focus on our breathing.

Make a big deal of both your inhale and exhale. Pause and try to count a few seconds after each. Make your breathing as long and deep as possible.

Illustration by Jessica Hagy.

Listen to gentle music

Although technically not music, I love listening to nature sounds, especially rain or thunderstorms. There is something soothing about hearing the rhythm of nature. (Unless you look up whale sounds, there is nothing soothing about that!)

My favourite album to listen to when I am feeling anxious for no reason is ‘Be Held‘ by Christy Nockels. This is a collection of lullabies for adults which never fail to bring me back to a place of calm.

I also made a playlist of slow, peaceful songs which I’ll put on in the car or as I am working to put myself at ease. Music has a way of reaching us that words simply cannot.

Try using a relaxation exercise

In one of my tutorials at university we spent the whole hour learning different relaxation exercises. At the time I thought it was a bit kooky but now I can appreciate the value of it.

The only one I can actually remember involves your five senses.

It goes like this… Find yourself a quiet space and close your eyes. Begin breathing deeply. Then start to take notice of each of your senses individually.

What can you hear around you? What can you smell? Open your eyes and what can you see?

Slowly become aware of your surroundings and allow your tension to dissipate.

Just write

I always find healing in writing. I always manage to un-twinge my tension and stitch up the wounded bits when I write out exactly how I am feeling.

The most important thing to remember is that your journal/laptop/back side of a napkin is a safe space. Allow yourself to write freely without judgement.

You cannot fully let go of the built up pressure inside you if you are fretting about the things you are writing. So no judgement, just write.

Paint, draw or colour-in

Those adult colouring-in books became really popular a few years ago for a reason. Being creative is relaxing.

Painting, drawing and colouring-in bring us back to the present. They allow us to be adventurous and playful, to make a mess and just have fun.

They also distract us from the fears and worries that can overwhelm us. Sometimes what we need is a little distraction, a little moment of rest from all the hustle and stress.

Go outside

I am a nature girl. My happy places are all outside. I love the softness of the beach, the ruggedness of the mountains, the quietness of the forest.

I need greenery and I need wide open spaces. Nature is soothing for our souls.

While you are outside, try out the relaxation exercise I mentioned above. There is nothing more uplifting than listening to the early-morning birdsong.

Get clean

Have a shower or run a bath but make it an experience.

Fill the bath with bubbles, allow the steam from the shower to soak into your pores, bundle yourself up in a warm, fluffy towel afterwards.

Often it is the simple things that bring the most pleasure. For example, when I want to feel especially luxurious I take the time to moisterize properly. I find the nicest, sweetest-smelling body lotion and I make myself soft all over. Simple, but delightful.

Talk about it

Bottling up your feelings will never do you any good. Be brave and open up to someone.

It often will feel like the last thing you want to do, but the effort it takes will always be worth it. Just make sure you speak to someone who is gentle and understanding, no judgement in your writing, no judgement in your speaking.

I’d love to know, how do you practice self care when you are stressed?

Do you ever find yourself feeling anxious for no reason at all?

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In Seeking encouragement

Overcoming insecurity: how to finally make peace with yourself

I cannot remember the first time I felt shame grip its fingers around my heart and squeeze but it’s a sensation as familiar to me as breathing these days.

When I was very young I was quite content with the person I was. Perhaps because I spent so much time allowing my imagination to carry me far away. I had my head in the clouds and so I was safe from the howling winds of insecurity.

As a child I was bold as can be. On family holidays I would always end up making friends with the other kids who were camping and I almost always spent more time in their tents than our own.

I never felt embarrassed asking someone if they wanted to play. I was never ashamed of myself or scared they would say no. When I look back now, it seems as though I had no insecurities at all.

But then puberty hit, cruelly as it always does and I became increasingly self conscious.

I hated the way my body had curves and edges, and that they drew attention to me. I hated that I was clumsy and nonathletic, always dropping the ball and missing catches.

I hated that I didn’t understand maths, that the combination of letters and numbers got scrambled in my head, making me feel stupid when I couldn’t answer the teacher’s question.

My insecurities became a thorn in my side, an ever-present reminder that I wasn’t good enough.

They made me stop voicing my opinions for fear of being laughed at. They made me shy away from my passions because I didn’t want to be different. They made me try with ferocious intensity to never draw attention to myself.

The road to overcoming insecurity as been a windy one for me. It has taken a lot of digging through emotions, searching for explanations and forgiveness to get to the point I am at today, which if I am honest, is still not perfect.

I still have those days where I crumple up inside because my favourite pair of shorts no longer fit or I’m too afraid to cycle downhill on my bike or I can’t think of a witty comeback to whatever someone said.

It’s hard not to berate ourselves for being a little less charming, intelligent, athletic and beautiful than we had hoped we would turn out to be.

However, slowly but surely, I am finding new ways to not only accept, but to love myself. I am making peace with the fact I won’t ever be some things but I rest secure in the knowledge that I have a whole raft of other wonderful qualities that make up for those deficiencies.

So these are my tips for you…

Overcoming insecurity and making peace with yourself

Follow people who encourage self love

I don’t think we realise how much we absorb the things we are exposed to online. The positivity or negativity of the people we follow can have a huge impact on us.

One of the ways I learnt to accept my body was by starting to follow women of all shapes and sizes who loved themselves regardless of their figure. It was so helpful for me to see these bold women, courageously battling their own insecurities. If they could do it then surely I could too!

So whatever it is that you feel insecure about, find someone who is an advocate of it and get inspired by them.

For some self-love inspiration, take a look at Ashton, Taryn or Katie.

Work through your ‘why’

I won’t lie to you, this step is hard. It requires a great deal of emotional digging.

You have to be willing to push through some uncomfortable feelings to work out which messages you have taken in and allowed to define you.

I have found that journaling works incredibly well for uncovering these self limiting beliefs but sometimes you might need someone else to help point them out to you. I personally went to see a counselor because it felt like too much of a task to bear on my own. You can read about my experience in my post- healing from the past.

Out with the old, in with the new

You have to begin working at changing your mindset.

You have to learn how to mitigate negative self talk and create a positive environment for yourself to try, fail, fall and fly without judgement.

You need to recognise that every day, every moment, you are growing and changing. Who you are today is not the same person you will be next year or five years from now.

The key is to learn to love all versions of yourself, past and present.

Overcoming insecurity requires you to give yourself grace to make mistakes and fail sometimes, to be imperfect and so wonderfully human. Speak words of kindness over yourself, try out these self love affirmations.

Surround yourself with love

People often say, you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself first, which is true but so is the reverse.

You can’t properly love yourself if you aren’t in an environment of love. By that I mean, the people who surround you need to be supportive, affirming and encouraging.

It isn’t always possible to make that happen as a child. The family you are born into might not give you this love and support freely as they should. However, as an adult we have the ability to choose who we let into our circles.

We no longer are stuck with negative, hurtful or discouraging people. We choose who we invite in and allow to speak into our lives.

So make this choice wisely. Let go of the ones who make you feel ‘less than.’ Fill up your life with people who build you up and have your back no matter what.

Overcoming insecurity won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.

If you are gentle and patient and kind to yourself, eventually that love will set you free.

You’ll be able to laugh loudly again. You’ll feel the weight lifted off your shoulders. You’ll finally be able to hold your head high.

The process is worth it, because the reward is sweet. So very sweet my friends. Go spread some love on yourself today!

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In Building relationships

What introverts need to know about making meaningful connections

As an introvert I am keenly aware just how difficult making meaningful connections can be.

And as an introvert who is also shy well, I know a whole other level of awkward.

I know how it feels to have your voice disappear inside you when you try to speak. I understand that burning sensation as blood rushes to your cheeks in embarrassment. I completely get the unrivalled joy of plans being cancelled last minute.

Introverts walk this fine line between participation and withdrawal.

We long to be a part of the group, to have our voices heard, to be actively involved, but simultaneously, it makes us unbelievably weary.

Making meaningful connections requires so much energy, a resource we only have in limited supply.

Cramming too much into one day can leave us gasping for air or so completely depleted of energy it looks like we’ve contracted the flu. Self care isn’t just all bubble baths and glittery nail polish to us, it is necessary for our day to day survival.

We can’t cope with all the stresses life throws at us if we don’t make ourselves, our needs, and our alone time a priority.

If we don’t give ourselves that space to rest and recharge we become well, not very nice people.

Sometimes, our attempts at making meaningful connections backfire terribly.

Like last Sunday, I went to a dinner party with my boyfriend and his parents at their friend’s house. We had a lovely time watching the sunset on the porch, eating a meal together and playing cards afterwards.

But at one point while I was enthusiastically reaching across the table to grab a card off the deck, I gave my elbow an almighty thump on the edge of the table.

The sound it made was disproportionate to the pain I felt, but of course everybody was quick to dole out their sympathy for me and my stupid, noisy elbow.

I could feel my cheeks burning and my eyes start watering a little as I tried to tell them it really wasn’t so bad.

What WAS bad however, was having everybody’s eyes on me. What made me truly cringe was being the centre of attention.

As an introvert it can be so tempting to curl up inside your shell.

To hide when we should be saying ‘hello.’ To take the easy option of swaying outside the circle of conversations.

How many times have you let your phone go to voicemail so you didn’t have to talk to someone?

How often do you dash into the next aisle when you see someone you know at the supermarket?

How likely are you to avoid going to a social event if you don’t know who else will be there?

But it is these simple moments that provide an opportunity for making meaningful connections.

It’s not enough to just see your co-workers from Monday to Friday but avoid every after work gathering. You can’t just pop in and out of your Pilates class but never stop to chat with anyone beforehand.

We meet people through organised situations, work, gym classes, church, and at parties. But we make connections through the spontaneous, unplanned moments in our everyday lives.

It’s when we bump into someone in town and strike up a conversation. When they pop over to our house to borrow something and we invite them in for a cup of tea. When we accept invitations to go out to lunch instead of eating alone at home.

It takes a lot of courage in those moments, to choose connection over comfort.

To prioritise deepening our relationships when what we really want is to run on home to our cats, fluffy blankets and favourite TV show.

But if you want to make meaningful connections, you have to show up. You have to keep trying, to continually make an effort and to do the best you can to always be reachable.

You have to do the brave thing and participate when you’d really rather withdraw. You have to speak up, share your thoughts and allows others to see who you really are.

This is vulnerability at its finest. The best kind. The sort that fosters intimacy, creativity and innovation.

That’s what we get when we make ourselves available for connection.

You have to know your limits and respect them for sure.

But you shouldn’t allow yourself to be defined by a label. It’s not enough to squeeze yourself into the ‘introvert box‘ and never take any steps to challenge yourself.

I’m all for self care and being aware of your needs but sometimes we can be a little too easy on ourselves.

We can use that introvert label as an excuse to avoid people. We can get stuck in our familiar rhythms and routines and never venture out of them.

You’ve got to start noticing those precious, little chances for connection and choose to take them.

If you are craving community. If you want to make connections; deep, meaningful connections, then you have to be willing to foster them. To give up your homely comforts, your cozy Friday nights, your reliance on our answering machines and to start welcoming people into those spaces instead.

“You can choose courage or you can choose comfort. You cannot have them both.” – Brene Brown

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