Gaining confidence is something I have been trying to achieve for most of my life.
I suppose that makes sense since it isn’t something that happens overnight but rather is a process, one that may take a lifetime to complete. It reminds me of the way the leaves of a fern gently unfurl. Tiny, microscopic changes occur as the plant allows itself to take up more and more space.
That’s how I tend to think of confidence as well – Being bold enough to take up space.
These days it seems like a lot of us (especially women) are doing the opposite. We are shrinking, hiding or worst of all, apologizing for taking up space.
We minimise ourselves and try to avoid making any sort of fuss.
We are so afraid of disappointing people that we prioritise others needs before our own, leaving us burnt out and exhausted.
We want to be these super women who can do it all without even breaking a sweat so we refuse to ask for help or admit when it’s all too much for us to handle.
And we allow ourselves to believe this lie that we can only show up once we are perfect. Because nobody wants to see our mess, our flaws or our imperfections.
“Just as bravery is not the absence of fear, neither is confidence the absence of imperfection.” – Ashton Smith
Recently, having to muster the strength to face people has been a real struggle. My life circumstances have felt overwhelming and having to slap on a cheerful face or make small talk with people outside of my home was simply too much.
I guess I fell into the trap of believing that I could only show up once I was perfect too.
In my head, the reason I didn’t want to face the world outside my windows was because I was too messy. I had too much drama going on in my personal life. Everything felt too uncertain and too complicated.
It is easy to blame a lack of confidence on outside circumstances. I tell myself these stories often…
I will feel more confident when I have a full time job.
I will feel more confident when I am a married woman.
I will feel more confident when I have my own house.
These outside factors glimmer with hope. Surely they will give me the safety and security I need to be myself in this world.
If I just figure out what I am going to do with my life, if I just have a place of my own to come home to, then I’m sure I’ll be brimming with confidence.
But the truth is that life is filled with uncertainty. There will always be room for us to grow into and that will always bring doubt and fear.
And hard as we try to keep all our ducks in a row, life throws curve-balls which make our outside circumstances too unpredictable to base our confidence on.
We won’t gain confidence from external circumstances because confidence comes from within.
We have to belong to ourselves before we can find belonging anywhere else. We have to feel safe and secure within ourselves rather than looking to find that security in our relationships, job or the home we live in.
How do we build confidence within ourselves?
That’s the tricky part isn’t it?
Something I have been learning from my counsellor is how to use truth coaches or what I call affirmations for confidence.
Giving ourselves some words or a phrase which helps us to coach our mind to think differently. So that instead of dwelling on our doubt, fear or lack we can be reminded of the truth.
Building confidence within requires us to start thinking about ourselves differently.
We have to acknowledge that we have flaws and weaknesses but we shouldn’t let them hold us back.
Confidence is leaning into your strengths, showing up despite your weaknesses and recognising the places where you can grow.
And let me tell you, these affirmations have made a world of difference for me. As I repeat them in my head or write them out in my journal I can feel something shifting inside me.
These words carry truth and that is powerful.
Most of my insecurities stem from feeling like I am not good enough and don’t quite measure up. So these affirmations are what I have been using to counteract those negative thoughts.
If you feel like you aren’t enough or need to change something about yourself before you will be worthy of belonging then I encourage you to start speaking these words to yourself.
I hope they will give you the courage to face whatever today brings…
15 positive affirmations for confidence:
One. Nobody knows what it is like to be me.
Two. I am incomparable, I am one of a kind.
Three. I am fine the way that I am.
Four. I don’t need to be anyone else.
Five. I bring value to this world.
Six. Everyone likes me here unless they say they don’t.
Seven. No one can make me feel inferior.
Eight. I am the author of my story.
Nine. My opinions, feelings and ideas are valid.
Ten. I will not stress about things I cannot control.
Eleven. I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to be me.
Twelve. I believe in myself and my abilities.
Thirteen. I am deserving of my dreams.
Fourteen. I am great at what I do.
Fifteen. I am proud of myself.
If you like these then take a look at my post: 25 self love affirmations.
Leave a comment below and let me know which of these affirmations for confidence stood out to you the most.