5 ways to practice being present in the moment

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There are some people in our lives who are so totally our opposite, it can feel as though the two of us come from different planets. 

 

We have our similarities of course – or we would never have become friends – but I often find it is our differences that bring us together.

 

Just like the old saying goes…Opposites attract. 

 

My boyfriend, Dom, and I are exactly like that.

 

I am a flurry of activity, prepared for every eventuality, constantly thinking about the next step. He is content to remain in the same place, isn’t worried about what’s next, isn’t in a hurry to get anywhere.

 

I am in a hundred places at the same time, whereas he is always present, living in the moment, inherently mindful.

 

These facets of our personalities clash spectacularly as you can imagine. 

 

I am tapping my foot, ready to go, waiting beside the front door. He is simultaneously putting on his shoes, checking the oil in his car and sweeping the kitchen floor. 

 

I am carefully writing out and sticking to a shopping list. He is excitedly stuffing things into the supermarket trolley like a kid in a candy store. 

 

I am making everyone dizzy with all of my plans. He is happily pouring his cereal and opening up the next chapter of his book.

 

How can he be so content just living from moment to moment? Isn’t he worried about the future? Isn’t he concerned about how much milk we have left or whether he remembered to turn the oven off or what he said to that person last week?


 

My frustration is pointing out what I need to fix, not with Dom, but within myself.

 

This desperate need to rush, this constant feeling of needing to get something done, the way I resist being still and captivated in the wonder of moments. 

 

Dom doesn’t need to speed up, I need to slow down. 

 

My laser-focus on tasks, productivity and organisation is causing me to miss the big picture or perhaps, the small picture. All those sweet, silly moments that I’m always bulldozing through in my hurry to stick to my rigid plans.

 

I can feel the time slipping through my fingers like grains of sand in a hourglass. If only I knew how to pause it for a second, to open my eyes to what is right in front of me. 

 

The precious hugs that I hold so briefly before I strain to get back to the vegetables I was chopping.

 

The satiny, morning sun in the living room that I glance over while I’m rushing to make the house perfect before our friends arrive for breakfast. 

 

That warm, cozy feeling of being snuggled in bed that I jump from so that I can tackle my to-do list immediately. 


 

And this constant rushing feeds my anxiety.

 

I am always afraid of what is coming next because I am always thinking about, and living in, tomorrow.

 

What I need, is to start living right here, in today. I need to practice being present in the moment. 

 

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So these are my tips for those of you who come from the same planet as me (the hyper-focused, super-organised, stressed-out one). Let’s try to slow down.

 

5 ways to practice being present in the moment

 

Stop worrying about tomorrow

 

I really need to schedule an appointment to get my wisdom teeth taken out and I have been worrying about it for months.

Almost every day I have been worrying about making the call, paying for the procedure, getting the teeth out and the inevitable pain I will feel afterwards. 

 

But the other day I realised something – I am not getting my wisdom teeth out today – and therefore I do not need to worry about all those things today.

 

Each day has plenty of worries without me adding tomorrows worries too!

 

So this is my question for you: Is the thing you are worrying about happening today?

 

If yes, then it is perfectly acceptable to feel concerned about it.

If not, then remind yourself that today you are safe. You have nothing to worry about today

 

 

Rest in gratitude

 

When something makes me feel especially happy, I enjoy it for approximately one second and then I feel terribly afraid that this thing is going to be taken away from me.

 

I call this self-sabotage, Brene Brown calls it ‘foreboding joy.

A way of protecting ourselves from the worse-case-scenario by playing it out in our heads. And according to Brene, the antidote to this miserable way of thinking, is gratitude. Daring to be vulnerable and choosing to feel the joy over the fear.

 

When you feel that rising panic about something going horribly wrong- give thanks. 

 

 

Notice your joy

 

So often, we don’t allow ourselves to fully enjoy a moment. We cloud our happiness with our pent up anger, sadness and fear.

 

When a moment strikes you as being absolutely delightful, when your chest swells and your laughter rings out, take a second to soak in that joy.

 

Notice how it makes you feel. Stay here awhile instead of rushing off to do the next thing. 

 

5 ways to practice mindfulness and being present in the moment. As someone who tends to rush from one thing to the next I need to consciously choose to slow down and rest. Being present has helped me feel less anxious and much happier. I hope these 5 tips will help you too!

 

Be intentional on social media

 

It can be all too easy to use social media as an escape. A chance to numb ourselves and avoid whatever is going on in our real lives.

 

We can sometimes let hours slip by as we scroll mindlessly through our newsfeed, without even stopping to notice or connect with anyone else.

 

Try to be intentional when you are online. Use those apps to actually connect with people. Leave thoughtful comments, share something you found valuable, add to the community rather than skimming over the posts you see. 

 

 

Focus on one thing at a time

 

We like to think that if we do two things at once we are being more efficient but in reality, we are more likely just doing a bad job of two things instead of a good job of one.

 

I am not a fan of multi-tasking. I say focus on one thing and give it your full attention.

 

When I am driving, I can’t also be texting (mostly because that’s illegal but also because it is distracting.)

When I am talking to someone, I can’t also be editing a photo for Instagram.

When I am studying, I can’t also be on Facebook (although, if I am honest, I never really adhere to this.)

 

You just can’t be in two places at once. Be all here.


 

You know I am glad that we aren’t all the same. The world needs both of us. People to make things happen, to plan ahead, to get the job done today. And people to encourage us to rest, to keep us grounded, to remind us of the importance of being present in the moment.

13 tiny changes you can make to simplify your life

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We all have those topics that get us all fired up. The ones that once we start talking about, we find it hard to stop. The ones that seem to ignite some sort of fire within us which spur us into action. 

 

Well, simple living is one of those topics for me. 

 

Hence the blog and the newsletter and the Instagram page. I’m an unstoppable force when it comes to inspiring others to look for the beauty in the small and ordinary things. 

 

I find myself constantly scouring the internet for whatever posts I can find on ways to simplify your life. I’m always buzzing to tell someone about a brilliant new product I have found which has made life just a little bit easier for me. 

 

I am passionate about finding ways to simplify your life because it often combines two of my other favourite things – saving money and looking after the planet. 

 

Earlier this year I shared 13 super easy ways to make life simpler and in this post I want to share a few more ideas I have discovered since then. 

 

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13 tiny changes you can make to simplify your life: 

 

Use a to-do list app 

 

I am a fan of both paper and digital planners. I know digital is the way of the future but paper planners are cuter (shoot me.)

 

That being said, to-do ist app is my best friend. It syncs your list between devices. You can plan days ahead but keep the tasks out of sight for simplicity sake. You can set the priority of tasks and reminders to get them done on time.

 

Plus you get the satisfaction of ticking tasks off and seeing them vanish from the list which is really the only reason anyone makes a to-do list in the first place.

 

 

Start creating a weekly meal plan 

 

If there is one thing I hate, it is not having the ingredients I need to make a meal. But I also equally hate trying to decide what to make for dinner when I am already hungry and cranky

 

Cue meal planning. 

 

You shop for exactly what you need. You save money by avoiding unnecessary purchases (and you can plan for budget friendly meals.) And you avoid wasting food that you buy but forget to cook with. 

 

You can take this one step further by prepping your meals beforehand, but planning is as far as I’ve got.

 

 

Try out period underwear

 

It is a well known fact that there is a huge amount of waste created with traditional feminine hygiene products. But besides that, they are also uncomfortable and can be pretty pricey. 

 

So when I first heard about period underwear I was really keen to make the switch. However, I had two main concerns a) the price (at the time the only brand available cost over $100 a pair) and b) how effective they would be. 

 

I finally found ModiBodi which were affordable and I was excited to discover, super effective as well. 

 

Seriously, these are game changers. Money saving, eco-friendly, comfortable and no more fear of leaking!

 

 

Wear colours that suit you

 

You are probably aware that there are certain colours that suit you best. You probably even naturally gravitate towards these colours.

 

One way to make your wardrobe a whole lot simpler is by buying clothes in these colours and finding accessories/other clothes that match.

 

For items you plan on wearing every day (eg. a winter coat) try to stick to a plain or neutral colour that will go with everything. It isn’t as cute as the red one I’m sure but at least it won’t clash with your pink dress!

 

 

Unsubscribe from mailing lists 

 

Usually bloggers try to get you to SIGN UP to their mailing lists (you can join mine if you like) but I’m a big fan of unsubscribing too.

 

For some reason, I never seem to learn and I always give out my email address to win competitions/make purchases/get freebies. So my inbox is a huge mess and it makes me stressed.

 

I know it seems easier just to delete their emails but I really do think it is better to unsubscribe altogether. Your inbox is an important space and only those who you truly want to hear from should be allowed to send stuff there. 

 

 

De-clutter for five minutes before bed 

 

This is one of Gretchen Rubin’s tips from her book ‘The Happiness Project‘ and it is so clever.

 

Just a few minutes each night can really help to tackle some of your chaos. A quick wipe over with a cloth, picking up your shoes off the floor, stacking the dishwasher, it isn’t much but it makes a big difference to how you feel in the morning. 

 

 

Learn to say ‘NO’

 

Learning how to set boundaries in your relationships is so freeing.

 

But you have to be okay with letting people down. You have to know that their disappointment won’t last. You have to remember that you can’t be everything for everybody. 

 

Life can be busy, hectic and exhausting at times. In this post I share 13 small changes you can make to simplify your life and make it less stressful. #simpleliving #minimalism

 

Put your clothes away at the end of the day 

 

I’m guilty of throwing whatever I was wearing onto the floor and hopping straight into bed. But that just means I end up having to spend half an hour folding all the clothes that pile up later on in the week. 

 

It only takes a couple of minutes to fold the clothes you were wearing and put them away. That is so much better than having piles of laundry on a chair in your room or littering the floor. 

 

 

Budget & track your spending

 

This is essential regardless of the state of your finances.

 

Keeping track of your spending can make you aware of some bad habits you may have that could be leaching money (for example, eating out all the time.) 

 

It also means less stress and worry as you can set aside the money you need to pay important bills before they are due. 

 

 

Write in a journal  

 

I tend to think that working through my problems can be done just by thinking about them. But that’s actually called over-thinking, not problem solving. All it does is make you more stressed. 

 

To work things out, you need to spill the problems out from your head. That may look like talking to someone or perhaps like me, writing it out in your journal. 

 

 

Create a seasonal wardrobe  

 

All those winter coats and scarves you aren’t wearing take up space and clutter your wardrobe making the decision of what to wear each day even more difficult. 

 

Put your out-of-season clothes away in a box in your garage. Keep the things you really need in your wardrobe. 

 

 

Let go of worn-out relationships

 

Forget about having tonnes of friends. Forget about having a best friend that you call up every single day.  Forget about having a huge group of friends that always hangs out together. 

 

You don’t have to feel bad for letting old, worn-out friendships fizzle out. You also don’t have to feel bad for being a twenty-something who only has a couple of friends (one of which is your mum.)

 

It is about quality over quantity.


 

What small changes have you made to simplify your life? 

Minimalism: how to be content with what you already have

content-with-what-you-have

 

Most days, scrolling through my Facebook feed feels like stumbling through an inferiority minefield. I have to work really hard at being a good person and being happy for my friends that they have such wonderful lives. 

 

The other day, one of my friends shared a picture of himself at the airport, backpack on, passport in hand, a big smile on his face as he was about to board his plane to Greece.

 

I kept scrolling and saw another friend sharing a #bumpdate, she’s twenty weeks pregnant and the bump is really starting to show now.

 

As I scrolled down further, I saw another friend’s cute little coffee date from her weekend away down south. 

 

I breathed out a deep sigh as I gazed down at my sweatpants, the slippers on my feet and the cat on my lap. It is in these moments that my life feels too small and simple. So small it is claustrophobic. 

 

Green is one of my colours, but envy still doesn’t look pretty on me. 


 

As a society, we tend to focus on what we lack. We are constantly receiving these messages that we need MORE to be happy. That what have can’t possibly be enough for us. Marketers play at our weakness, they know how much we love the new and novel

 

They tell us that if we truly want to be happy, what we need is another sweater, a bigger TV, and a week-long holiday somewhere exotic.

 

They are in the business of selling, so they sell us a fairy-tale that MORE STUFF will make our lives better.

 

However, I’m beginning to realise that if I don’t make a change in my attitude, if I can’t learn how to be happier with a life that is small and simple, I will spend my entire life discontent. 

 

I’ll always be chasing after these things that are supposed to make me happy, only to find out I’m not satisfied once I have them.

 

The new and the novel don’t satisfy us for very long. Pretty soon the excitement wears off and once again we are left aching for more. 

 

minimalism, how to be content with what you have, decluttering, finding contentment, buy less stuff, own less, keep what sparks joy

 

Last week I went on a lovely day trip. We went shopping and walking and soaked in the hot pools. It was a full, busy, wonderful day. I came home feeling tired and content

 

And yet, a week later I feel the same itchy, desperate desire to get out and do something interesting. Our outing last week didn’t cure me of my need for adventure and excitement. 

 

Because the truth is, no matter how many countries we travel to, there will always be another we are dying to see. No matter how many books we read, there will always be a new one we just have to read. No matter how many pairs of shoes we own, there will always be THE pair that we believe will finally complete our wardrobe. 


 

There are times when contentment is a necessity and for me, this is one of those times. 

 

Right now I am studying and we are living off one income so we can’t afford much new. No new shoes, no new books, no trips to exotic destinations or flashy electronics. 

 

What I have has to be enough. 

 

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But instead of feeling sorry for myself, I am taking this as an opportunity to be content with what I HAVE instead of giving into that endless craving for MORE

 

We have a roof over our heads. We have groceries in the fridge and pantry. I have an entire wardrobe stuffed full of clothes and shoes for every imaginable occasion. And I live close to a library with hundreds of books that I am still yet to read. 

 

I have enough. I have plenty. I do not need more. 

 

This is the mantra I am repeating to myself as I avert my eyes walking past sales racks and unsubscribe from shop mailing lists. And when I start to feel that claustrophobic fear that my life is too small, I am reminding myself that I have enough time as well.

 

There are plenty of years ahead for me to get to live out my dreams. I don’t need to pressure myself to cram it all into this year. I don’t need to accomplish all of my goals right now. There is enough time. 

 

Maybe this won’t be the year that I travel around Europe, but perhaps I’ll get to explore my hometown and finally conquer some of those more advanced mountain biking trails. 

 

Maybe this won’t be the year… I live in my dream home, but perhaps I’ll get to live in my very own flat for the first time. 

 

Maybe this won’t be the year… I make an 80k salary, but perhaps I’ll finally get to do a job I really enjoy. 

 


 

Minimalism is teaching me that what I have is enough.

 

I don’t need more space, I need less stuff.

 

Less stuff that I picked up at an op shop because it was super cheap and kinda cute. Less stuff that I was given and feel too guilty to give away. Less stuff that I bought trying to be someone that I’m not. 

 

Less stuff distracting me from the beauty and joy that is hidden in the ordinary, dull, normal moments of every day.

 

I’ll leave you with this quote I found which sums up why I am a fan of the minimalist lifestyle. A simple and small life is enough if it contains more of the things we love and less of the things we don’t.

 

“Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things that we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it.” – Joshua Becker

How to tell the difference between mindful eating and dieting

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Most of us now understand that dieting doesn’t work. We’ve stopped drinking the awful meal replacement shakes. We don’t weigh ourselves every single morning. We do our best to eat more healthy food, to eat less unhealthy food and to move our bodies more. 

 

I’m delighted to see this shift in attitudes toward our bodies and the way we take care of them. 

 

And yet, sometimes I still find myself frustrated with the way diet culture manages to sneak back into people’s way of thinking. 

 

Occasionally I will have to bite my tongue to prevent myself getting ranty when people start telling me about their “healthy eating plans.”

 

These scientifically-proven, weight-loss claiming, celebrity-endorsed ways of eating that people are quick to defend, ‘it’s not a diet!’

 

I get the struggle though. It can be really confusing to know what to eat and what not to eat when there is so much information and misinformation bombarding us every day. 

 

How to tell the difference between mindful eating and dieting, intuitive eating, mindful eating, eating mindfully, mindfulness, practicing mindfulness, intentional living, simple living, diet culture

 

How do we avoid dieting while still eating in a way that nourishes our bodies?  I have a few thoughts on the subject that I’d like to share with you today, informed by my Bachelors degree in Food and Nutrition.

 

How to tell the difference between mindful eating and dieting…

 

Dieting: You can’t stop thinking about food

 

One of the issues with dieting is that it creates a feeling of scarcity. If we restrict what we can and can’t eat then it has this effect of making us want it more. 

 

For example, on a diet you may tell yourself you can’t have any sweet things and you’ll often find that all you can think about is chocolate, cakes and cookies. As though your body is trying to sabotage you!

 

The thing is, when you can eat sweet things any time you want, you don’t feel those same intense cravings and you are less likely to binge on them when you do eat them. 

 

Mindful eating: You don’t think about food until you feel hungry

 

Because you are listening to your body and eating what you need, when you need it, you aren’t constantly yearning for the next time you are “allowed” to eat.

 

 

Dieting: Ignoring hunger/fullness cues

 

On a diet you no longer trust your intuition or listen to your body for cues on how hungry or full you may feel.

 

Instead, you rely on a carefully constructed (although often not personalised) meal plan to tell you when, what and how much to eat. 

 

It is fairly obvious why this could be a problem. You are relying on someone else to judge how much and what type of food you need when they likely have no idea what your personal lifestyle looks like.

 

Some days you will be more active and therefore, require bigger/more energy dense meals. Other days you may be more sedentary and require less energy. A generic meal plan simply isn’t flexible enough to accommodate individual lifestyles and needs. 

 

Mindful eating: Being aware of hunger and fullness cues

 

Eating mindfully means you are listening to your body and you are aware of your needs.

 

You’ll stop to eat lunch when you feel hungry. You’ll eat a snack in the afternoon because maybe you’ve been especially active. You’ll put down your fork and push your plate away when you feel full. 

 

 

Dieting: Labelling food as good or bad

 

Sugar is the devil. Carbs are the enemy. Fat will make you fat. All of these ideas are not healthy nor helpful if you are wanting to eat well. 

 

No one food is bad and you certainly shouldn’t feel bad for eating it. Diets tend to label certain foods as good and others as bad. Some you can eat and some you can’t.

 

But as we talked about previously, restriction leads to cravings and ultimately bingeing. 

 

Mindful eating: Food is just food

 

You see no food as better or worse than another and you feel no guilt when consuming food.

 

You understand that some foods make you feel sick or bloated if you eat too much of them, so you tend to eat less of those. You know that other foods make you feel really good, so you tend to eat more of those. 

 

 

Dieting: Eliminating whole food groups

 

First of all, for certain individuals these eliminations are necessary – For example, if you are allergic to dairy or don’t eat meat for ethical or religious reasons.

 

For most other people however, eliminating whole food groups is totally unnecessary and is a sign of some unhealthy attitudes towards food. 

 

Mindful eating: You can eat anything

 

You don’t cut out food groups entirely, instead you eat more of what makes you feel good/what you enjoy eating. 

For example, I personally don’t like meat very much. I won’t call myself a vegetarian because I find the label too restrictive but I tend to eat less meat and that works for me. 

 

 

Dieting: Ignoring your cravings

 

When you find yourself desperately craving chocolate after dinner, you’ll eat a “healthy” snack or drink a glass of water or make a cup of tea to distract yourself from what you really want. 

 

You refuse to indulge your cravings and try to substitute with things you don’t really want. 

 

Mindful eating: Allowing yourself to indulge your cravings

 

Instead of ignoring your cravings you will indulge them. But when you do so, you indulge mindfully. You take your time and pay attention to what you are eating. You enjoy every bite and stop when you feel satisfied. 

 

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Dieting: Tracking what you eat

 

You’ll have some method of measuring every single thing that touches your lips. Whether that be weighing your food, tracking calories or using a point system. 

 

You are aware of everything you eat, which may sound mindful but is really just restrictive and controlling.

 

Mindful eating: You don’t track your food

 

Instead, you trust your body to give you cues about how much and what sort of food you should eat.

 

 

Dieting: Making your social life a struggle

 

Eating out will be nothing short of a nightmare for you. Your dietary requirements will make ordering a difficult and uncomfortable experience.

 

You probably won’t end up eating what you really want and will spend the evening hungry and/or eyeing the delicious food your friends ordered. 

 

You may even find yourself feeling anxious or avoiding social situations that involve food altogether. 

 

Mindful eating: Socialising is enjoyable

 

You impose no rigid restrictions on food. You don’t have to wait for a cheat meal or cheat day to enjoy good food or hanging out with your friends.

 

You order what you feel like and enjoy every bite because you recognise that this is simply one meal and not a reflection of your overall eating patterns. You know that life is too short to miss out on delicious food and fun times with friends.


 

I hope this helped clear up some confusion for you. For more tips on how to eat mindfully, check out Kylie’s blog – immaeatthat.

Also, take a look at my previous blog post- mindful eating: 5 simple ways to be present while you eat.

15 positive affirmations for confidence

 

Gaining confidence is something I have been trying to achieve for most of my life. 

 

I suppose that makes sense since it isn’t something that happens overnight but rather is a process, one that may take a lifetime to complete. It reminds me of the way the leaves of a fern gently unfurl. Tiny, microscopic changes occur as the plant allows itself to take up more and more space.

 

That’s how I tend to think of confidence as well – Being bold enough to take up space.

 

These days it seems like a lot of us (especially women) are doing the opposite. We are shrinking, hiding or worst of all, apologizing for taking up space.

 

We minimise ourselves and try to avoid making any sort of fuss.

 

We are so afraid of disappointing people that we prioritise others needs before our own, leaving us burnt out and exhausted.

 

We want to be these super women who can do it all without even breaking a sweat so we refuse to ask for help or admit when it’s all too much for us to handle.

 

And we allow ourselves to believe this lie that we can only show up once we are perfect. Because nobody wants to see our mess, our flaws or our imperfections.

 

“Just as bravery is not the absence of fear, neither is confidence the absence of imperfection.” – Ashton Smith

 


 

Recently, having to muster the strength to face people has been a real struggle. My life circumstances have felt overwhelming and having to slap on a cheerful face or make small talk with people outside of my home was simply too much.

 

I guess I fell into the trap of believing that I could only show up once I was perfect too.

 

In my head, the reason I didn’t want to face the world outside my windows was because I was too messy. I had too much drama going on in my personal life. Everything felt too uncertain and too complicated.

 

It is easy to blame a lack of confidence on outside circumstances. I tell myself these stories often…

 

I will feel more confident when I have a full time job

I will feel more confident when I am a married woman. 

I will feel more confident when I have my own house. 

 

These outside factors glimmer with hope. Surely they will give me the safety and security I need to be myself in this world. 

 

If I just figure out what I am going to do with my life, if I just have a place of my own to come home to, then I’m sure I’ll be brimming with confidence. 

 

But the truth is that life is filled with uncertainty. There will always be room for us to grow into and that will always bring doubt and fear. 

 

And hard as we try to keep all our ducks in a row, life throws curve-balls which make our outside circumstances too unpredictable to base our confidence on.

 

We won’t gain confidence from external circumstances because confidence comes from within. 

 

We have to belong to ourselves before we can find belonging anywhere else. We have to feel safe and secure within ourselves rather than looking to find that security in our relationships, job or the home we live in. 

 

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How do we build confidence within ourselves?

 

That’s the tricky part isn’t it?

 

Something I have been learning from my counsellor is how to use truth coaches or what I call affirmations for confidence.

 

Giving ourselves some words or a phrase which helps us to coach our mind to think differently. So that instead of dwelling on our doubt, fear or lack we can be reminded of the truth.

 

Building confidence within requires us to start thinking about ourselves differently.

 

We have to acknowledge that we have flaws and weaknesses but we shouldn’t let them hold us back.

 

Confidence is leaning into your strengths, showing up despite your weaknesses and recognising the places where you can grow.

 

And let me tell you, these affirmations have made a world of difference for me. As I repeat them in my head or write them out in my journal I can feel something shifting inside me.

 

These words carry truth and that is powerful.

 

Most of my insecurities stem from feeling like I am not good enough and don’t quite measure up. So these affirmations are what I have been using to counteract those negative thoughts.

 

If you feel like you aren’t enough or need to change something about yourself before you will be worthy of belonging then I encourage you to start speaking these words to yourself.

 

I hope they will give you the courage to face whatever today brings…

 

15 positive affirmations for confidence:

 

One. Nobody knows what it is like to be me.

 

Two. I am incomparable, I am one of a kind.

 

Three. I am fine the way that I am.

 

Four. I don’t need to be anyone else.

 

Five. I bring value to this world.

 

Six. Everyone likes me here unless they say they don’t.

 

Seven. No one can make me feel inferior.

 

Eight. I am the author of my story.

 

Nine. My opinions, feelings and ideas are valid.

 

Ten. I will not stress about things I cannot control.

 

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Eleven. I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to be me.

 

Twelve. I believe in myself and my abilities.

 

Thirteen. I am deserving of my dreams.

 

Fourteen. I am great at what I do.

 

Fifteen. I am proud of myself.


 

If you like these then take a look at my post: 25 self love affirmations.

 

Leave a comment below and let me know which of these affirmations for confidence stood out to you the most.

How to start setting boundaries in relationships (as a people pleaser)

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It’s funny how we can go through life being totally oblivious to some of the ways we trip ourselves up or get in our own way. 

 

That’s why I think therapy is such a great idea. It’s like someone kindly props a mirror up in front of us and gently shows us where we have been going wrong all this time.

 

For instance, I have recently come to learn that I am not very good at setting boundaries in relationships, due to the fact that I’m a run-of-the-mill people pleaser.

 

I have this deeply entrenched fear of disappointing people and this fear leads me to do almost anything in my power to avoid letting people down.

 

 

I am a gentle, quiet person so it is easy for me to get bowled over by stronger personalities. Like those who are louder, more confident or more forceful with their opinions than me.

 

It is much easier for those of us who are quiet people to just let things slide rather than face the potential embarrassment, fuss or arguments that speaking up may entail.

 

But without setting boundaries in relationships, this need to please can get us into some rather sticky situations. 

 

We end up agreeing to go to places we really don’t enjoy and spending time with people we would really rather not. We end up stretching ourselves too thin and not leaving enough time for the things we truly enjoy. We end up wasting months and years of our lives trying to be something we are not.  

 

So why are we so afraid of disappointing people? 

 

What I think it comes down to is the fact that most of us are looking for belonging. What we want most of all, is to fit in, to be accepted and loved. 

Therefore, we try to avoid doing anything that might jeopardize that.

 

We are scared that if we disappoint someone we might lose their validation. We might end up being alone. We might be misunderstood and left out in the future. 

 

how to start setting boundaries in relationships, how to stop being a people pleaser, self care, personal growth, personal development, self acceptance, building your confidence

 

But here is the truth: Disappointment is part of adulthood. 

 

Part of life is coming to terms with the fact you might not get everything that you want. We have to learn to cope with being disappointed by other people. 

 

What is important to remember is that we cannot be everything for everyone and therefore, we will disappoint people.

 

You may like to look at setting boundaries in relationships as a radical act of self-care. Daring to put your needs, feelings and self above the comfort and security of keeping others happy.

 

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brene Brown 


 

How to start setting boundaries in relationships:

 

Accept yourself

 

First of all, you need to allow yourself to take up space in this world. That means being proud and unashamed of who you are. 

 

For example, I have this weird thing about cutlery where I cannot stand using a knife and a fork that don’t match. I know it is a little nutty but when I try to be cool and let it slide, I just feel uncomfortable and don’t enjoy my meal as much. 

 

But I am learning that part of loving myself is indulging these quirks and being okay with the way that I am, weird cutlery issues and all! 

 

We deserve to eat with matching cutlery if that is what makes us happy. We deserve to wear the polka dot skirt if that makes us feel fabulous. We deserve to dance to that music that nobody else gets if that puts us in a good mood.

 

You are fine just the way you are. Celebrate you. Accept you. 

 

Put it into practice: Start owning those little quirks that make you who you are instead of feeling embarrassed by them.

 

 

Consider your own needs

 

Something that has felt so freeing for me is to recognise that my voice, opinions and feelings are valid. 

 

For a long time I have been afraid of rocking the boat, of making waves or being a nuisance so I have stayed quiet and withdrawn rather than speaking my mind. 

 

My first instinct is to go along with what others say or want, without giving any consideration to how I am feeling or the fact that I can say ‘NO.’ 

 

Setting boundaries in relationships is important for protecting yourself. It’s about being aware of your needs and how any given situation makes you feel. It is about stopping to consider what terms and conditions you might need to put in place so that you feel comfortable.  

 

Put it into practice: Next time someone asks something of you, stop and consider your needs before automatically agreeing. 

 

 

Communicate your needs

 

I’m no relationship expert but I have come to learn that communication is one of the most important things in healthy relationships. 

 

It is so easy to misunderstand someone and to allow resentment to build up if you don’t clear the air on a frequent basis. The power of vulnerability is that it gives us an opportunity to confront problems before they get bottled up. 

 

First things first, you have to know yourself and what you need.

 

If it is really important to you that your significant other shows up to watch your important event, then tell them. If something your mum said really upset you, then let her know how her words made you feel. 

 

Put it into practice: Be vulnerable and share your needs or feelings with someone today.

 

 

I heard a quote recently that has stuck with me…

 

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” – Joseph Campbell

 

A lot of people are afraid of growing older but I think the older I get, the more I am becoming my true self.

 

With age comes this deeper understanding of who we are and what we need to be happy. And we become less willing to compromise on our happiness as we did when we were younger.

 

But we don’t have to wait until we get older to start practicing self care and setting boundaries in our relationships. Let’s start now by putting these little steps into practice each day. Let’s choose to love ourselves even if that means disappointing others.